Our son

~William Champion Conway~

Born to Marty and Becky on July 6, 2009 at 11:49 pm

8 pounds, 19 inches long

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him..."~Lamentations 3:25

In the quiet

My house is silent. I can't bear the sound of the TV or the phone ringing. I'm even having a difficult time with the kid currently cleaning out his car in our apartment parking lot, jamming to his radio. Even my brain is seeking silence from itself. I received a box of ordered books from Barnes & Noble yesterday, and one of them is a novel that takes place in 16th-century England, my favorite era in time to escape to...yet I can only read a couple pages in a sitting before I have to give up on reading altogether. I'll start a crossword puzzle -- another favorite mental escape -- and I have to stop because I can't seem to focus on a silly puzzle, because I don't want to focus on it. I just want to sit in the quiet.

Without going into all the crazy details, we found out a couple days ago that William will be born either Monday or Tuesday of next week, depending on how well -- and how quickly -- his Mama's body responds to medicine. Fortunately, praise God, the details aren't too scary, and upping his birthday by a few days is really just a measure of precaution more than anything else. I have a doctor who finally, finally stepped up to the plate and got seriously involved in my healthcare, and boy did she ever. Yes, it's Dr. Pickler, after all. How ironic that she's the one who said, "Let's just get this baby here sooner rather than later, because I'm concerned." The concern I've received all along from my other two doctors, she pours on at the end. Life is funny that way -- now it's her I want to see on Monday morning. We see her again today, just to get checked one more time so we can all feel good/reassured about my status throughout the long holiday weekend. Mostly, we just need my BP to stay at least where it is, if not climb down a few points. If all is well, the next time we see Dr. Pickler is when she'll check me in the hospital on Monday, to see how well I'm progressing in my labor. I can hardly believe I just typed that.

And this is why I'm craving silence. Have you ever nurtured a dream your entire life? Have you ever, for the sake of sanity, had to relinquish that dream? Ever had to let it go because you had to face the reality that it would never be fulfilled? I have. I did. All I ever wanted, from the time I was old enough to dream, was to have a loving husband and sweet babies of my own. Everything else was always, only ever going to be icing on that cake.

I thought I had that cake, once upon a time. I thought I was working on it, at least. Then a few short years ago, I watched as it -- the cake, my life -- crumbled into a million pieces around me. I had no hope of creating a new one; survival was my only goal. Then astonishingly, I did -- I survived. Then, in the midst of achieving survival, I felt the whisper of Jesus Himself..."I came so that you might have life, and that you might have it more abundantly." Really, Lord? You mean me? Shouldn't I be punished for letting it all fall apart? Haven't I utterly failed? Don't I deserve to live out my days in isolation, feeling the weight of my failure? Surely you don't mean to bless me after all that has passed?

It is glorious to me to imagine the smile on my Lord's face as He heard these prayers, and then rubbed His hands together and got started showering me with blessings. First, He eased my mind about the things in the past, and gave me forgiveness for my errings and peace about the things that were not my fault. Then, after He'd healed my heart, He led me straight into the arms of my Marty. Here I am, nearly two years later, and I am still astounded at the gift I've been given. Never, never, never was a wife happier and more assured and more content in the love of a husband. In the words of Jane Eyre, "I am his life as fully as he is mine." I never thought to be able to experience such a depth of love; some days my heart could break at the power of it. I remember thinking, and saying aloud to Marty, if this is all I'm ever given, I am truly a woman blessed beyond measure. Then, miracle of miracles, the one dream I had been forced to abandon so long ago and had no hope of resurrecting...we had the promise of a child -- our child. And of course, I met this promise with all the fortitude of a leaf on a windy autumn day. Even after all the Lord had guided me through, I doubted His goodness. I thought, it's too good to be true, I won't be allowed to have all that I want in life, I won't get to have this shiny new cake (a loving husband AND a sweet baby?) that suddenly appeared before my eyes. Then, week after week after week, the Lord walked me through. I watched in amazement as my belly grew; I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched on a screen my little boy wiggle around inside me. I saw joy on my husband's face and felt it reflected in my own heart. Still, the reality didn't fully set in...

...Until this week, when Dr. Pickler said, "Let's have a baby on Monday." The reality didn't slowly sink in -- it landed on my brain with a thud! It is now real to me, very real to me. Like any first-time mommy, I'm facing down a good-sized mountain of fears about the whole experience, but eclipsing this, truly eclipsing this, is the sense of awe I feel at the Lord Jesus, the Creator and Provider of all perfect and beautiful things. That He would bestow on me my husband Marty, and then give us our sweet William. That at some time on Monday or Tuesday, I'm going to experience the fruition, the blossoming, the fulfillment of my little girl's dream.

So you can see why I need to sit in the quiet. Why I can't be distracted by silly, trivial things right now. Because I am sitting in awe of a MIGHTY GOD. Who loves me. Who has blessed me.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all ye creatures here below!

Praise Him above ye heavenly host,

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Amen!

Answers

Here are my answers thus far (but keep questions coming, this is nice and distracting!):

Katie asked me: Who is your favorite Muppet? Well, my dear sister, I think you might have guessed this one, and it is probably the easiest question I have ever answered (though certainly no one has bothered to ask me before!)...it's gotta be the great Miss Piggy. With her inimitable style, her OCD ways (obsess much over Kermie?), and her wicked sense of humor, she's a girl we can all identify with!

Kate asked me: If you had to choose a new field of study and work, what would it be? No regard to schooling cost or time. If you've seen the movie "Possession," I could probably explain it to you pretty easily...

I would be some kind of literary researcher in a great, grand museum in London somewhere, and I'd unearth extraordinary secrets and muck about England (with Marty) uncovering all the facts, and then I'd write a thrilling bestseller and make piles of money and just do it all over again with a new, unearthed secret. After taking a very long holiday in a villa on the Mediterranean with Marty.

Sarah asked me: If you could only listen to 5 cds, what would they be? Sarah gets the prize for asking the hardest question. Well, let me start off with a basic, 1) ABBA's Greatest Hits. That's just a no-brainer. ABBA is my favorite, favorite, favorite band of all time, and I could karaoke probably every hit song they produced. Marty could even tell you my favorite songs in order, starting with "Dancing Queen" (duh), and then "Take a Chance on Me" and moving further down the line...Their music just makes me happy! Hmm, then I'd have to include 2) John Denver's Greatest Hits. Don't judge me or tell me the 70's called and want their music back. Those songs remind me of the happiest times in my childhood, and I can hear my dad singing "Sunshine on My Shoulder" and "Annie's Song." His music comforts me. Another great comforting voice would have to be 3) Dolly Parton, and I'd need some kind of greatest hits compilation of hers, too. I just hear Dolly's voice and I know it's all going to be better. And when I'm in a light and happy mood, I sing "Love is Like a Butterfly" over and over. Perfect. Okay, then I'd have to have some gay British pop, which is probably one of my favorite subgenres, and the best of the best is, of course, 4) Erasure (POP! 20 Hits). Just like with John Denver, I have great memories of my sister Sarah and all these songs. Finally...gosh, this is REALLY hard...I think I'd have to cheat again and go with 5) some kind of compilation of praise and worship songs, like one of the WOW collections. Going through life and never hearing Amy Grant's "Lead Me On?" Or "In Christ Alone?" Or "Redeemer" by Nicole C. Mullen? No, I don't think so...those songs are mine!

Well, there they are, my answers in all their glory. Thanks girls, for submitting questions and giving me some lovely mental distraction (and thanks, Sarah, for letting me cheat a bit on my answers). All I can say further is, please send more! :)

Got questions?

I would love to answer them! I've seen a few girls do this on their blogs and I thought this would be fun while I'm trying to whittle away the last couple weeks of this pregnancy. Based on some things going on, our little man might be born around my 39th week, so I'm thinking and planning in terms of 2+ weeks to go, rather than 3+ weeks to go. It's exciting but of course, scary too! My hands are a little sweaty just typing that.

Anyway, ask me questions...and they don't have to be about pregnancy and such things, although I would welcome those, too!

Happy Monday!

a scare (long story and not for the weak of stomach)

Yesterday was a very bad day.

It all started on Saturday night into Sunday morning, when I woke myself up...whimpering! I had a blood vessel in the back of my head, on the right side, that was just throbbing. I have a history of migraines and I know exactly what they feel like, and this was simply not a migraine. I took Tylenol and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up feeling better. Well, I woke up feeling worse and took a Butalbital, which is the headache medicine I was given in second trimester when I had chronic tension headaches. After some food and coffee and then a long nap, I woke up feeling even worse. At this point I paged the doctor on-call at my OB/GYN's office, and sadly, got Dr. Pickler, our least favorite. I've sort of made peace with her, attributing her business-like attitude to strict professionalism, which is certainly respectable and a desirable trait in a doctor. However, sometimes you really just want to be listened to and cared about, professionalism be darned! Let's just say she didn't listen to me, didn't ask me any questions, acted extremely annoyed to be on the phone, and then told me to either go to the ER or keep taking Tylenol and call the office in the morning. What kind of options are those? To me, it was either "go bother someone else or bother me tomorrow." Ugh. Fortunately, after more sleep, I woke up feeling a wee bit better, even though I had an empty-head kind of feeling.

Then Sunday night into Monday morning, I had the same experience: woke myself up whimpering in pain. This time, not only was the blood vessel pounding and throbbing, but I'd also lost the hearing in my right ear! So as soon as the doctor's office opened on Monday, I called and pleaded with the front office staff to let me speak to a nurse ASAP, because I was having scary head pains and aches and I really needed help. Thank God the girl I spoke with was feeling sympathetic, because I had a nurse call me back within 10 minutes. I told the nurse what was going on, and she said, "let's not mess with appointments, just come on in." So I called Marty who raced home and picked me up, and we were in the office being seen by Dr. Hinton (our favorite) within the hour. I told Dr. Hinton the whole story and he started out by looking in my right ear, but he couldn't see anything because of too much gunk (sorry to be gross!). Then he touched my head and asked, "have you been running a fever?" And I had to confess that I didn't know, that I hadn't even thought to check. "Well you're burning up!" he told me, and had the nurse come in and take my temp, which was 100.1 degrees. Not too bad, but not good in a pregnant woman, for sure. Then Dr. Hinton started moving my head in different directions, and when he pushed my head back toward my spine, I had pain shoot down my spinal column, which he noticed when I flinched. He moved my head around again and then pushed back, and the pain was worse the second time. Dr. Hinton kind of made a face and left the room for a minute. When he came back in, he sat down on the stool and said, "Well, I'm sending you to the emergency room. I have a very real concern that you may have viral meningitis." I looked over and saw all the color leave Marty's face. Of course, this set off a rush of questions, but Dr. Hinton could only answer so many because he was going to hand me over to another, different set of experts.

So we walked out of the office and to the car, and I called my mom and I think I nearly scared her to death. I could tell she was extremely upset when I got off the phone with her, even though she was trying to hide it. So we showed up in the ER, only to have them send us to the Women's Center because of my obvious late-term pregnancy. We got to the Women's Center, only to have them tell us that we needed to go to the ER. By this time I was already losing patience -- my nerves were already fraying because of course, my head is still pounding at this point! -- so I told the Women's Center admin person that the hospital needed to figure out who would see me, and then someone needed to take me to that person because I wasn't going to keep walking around with a pounding headache and suspected meningitis. Sorry -- I needed to indulge in a bit of a diva moment! (I could tell my hubby thought this was pretty hilarious.) So I got wheeled back to the ER and was shown to a room about an hour later (and you all know how slow time progresses in a hospital, so it felt like 3 hours). After filling out paperwork and waiting another hour in my ER room, a nurse practitioner finally came in and asked me a million questions and told us she'd be working with an attending physician (who we never saw) on my case. She went ahead with the suspected diagnosis of viral meningitis and started all the testing. One of the first things she decided to do was have one of the nurses irrigate my ears, so she could get a good look at my inner ears. While one nurse, Tony, started on this, the other nurse, Rob, got started on my IV and bloodwork. Tony was quiet as he went about his business, but Rob was very talkative and very interested in my case. He offered all the insight he could give, then got my IV line going with absolutely no problems and no bleeding. I was duly impressed! Meanwhile, Tony got my left ear irrigated and my inner ear looked fine, so he moved on to my right ear. Here's where we're not exactly sure what happened: a) either Tony gave up because he encountered a mass in my ear canal, or b) Tony decided to finish later because it was time to take me to radiology for a CT scan of my brain. Anyway, off we went to radiology, and we met another great guy who was the CT technician. He had me sign a waiver form about how much radiation my unborn child would be exposed to (talk about guilty feelings as a parent, oh my GOSH), and then he got me settled on the table and piled lead blankets on top of my belly. At first this was okay, but as they scooted me back into the machine and I knew I'd have to lie still for 5 minutes, suddenly it dawned on me that I couldn't take a deep breath. Then just as suddenly, my little William started flipping out and trying to turn himself in any number of ways, and I realized he could feel all that weight on him and it was making him uncomfortable, too. At this point, I could barely breathe and I felt so bad for the 2 of us and I knew I was on the verge of tears, I started singing "Jesus Loves Me" in my head and praying, praying, praying that these horrible 5 minutes would pass immediately. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore, I cried out to the room in general, "I can't breathe!" The tech said, "oh we're done, I'm coming!" and rushed into the room and got the lead blankets off me and helped me sit up, and he realized that I was sweating and crying and breathing fast, so he got me a cold wet washcloth and got me wheeled back out to my husband as quickly as he could. I grabbed Marty's hand and said, "Look, this is just a headache. These people need to figure this out right now and stop torturing me and stop stressing out my baby!!!" My poor Marty, all he could do was comfort me and assure me that they'd figure it out as soon as they could. They wheeled me back to my ER room, and within a half-hour, my bloodwork and CT scan had all come back with negative/normal results. All along the plan had been to ultimately do a spinal tap on me, which is the definitive method for determining meningitis. However, Rob was the one who gave us the test results and right away he recommended against pursuing the spinal tap, since all my other tests were within normal parameters. Fine by me, I said, but what's causing the headache? Rob started to conjecture a bit and theorized that a hormonal shift in my body, due to labor being somewhat imminent for me, could be causing a very bad hormonal headache. Well, I wasn't buying, and I could tell Marty didn't believe it, either. Heck, I could tell Rob didn't quite believe it. So Rob left to get the nurse practitioner to come in and chat, and Marty got up to go update my mom. While he was on the phone with my mom, she asked him if anyone had ever finished irrigating my right ear. Marty said he wasn't sure, but he'd make sure it happened. Marty came back in and said to Rob, "did her right ear ever get looked at?" And Rob looked at it and could tell it wasn't fully irrigated yet, so he set about finishing the irrigation process (which hurts like the dickens, by the way, since they shoot a huge needle of cold water and hydrogen peroxide right into your ear canal). Finally Rob said he could see a mass plugging the canal, and finally he got it pulled out, and when he did so, I got immediately dizzy and nauseated and disoriented. Then he quick-looked at my ear and said with triumph, "There's your problem, baby-doll, that's the worst-looking inner ear infection I've ever seen!" This is apparently what happened...at some point on Saturday, my infected eardrum perforated and burst, and bled into some surrounding ear wax, causing a build-up of dried blood/fluid that plugged up my ear canal. Because of this mass, I didn't experience the normal dizziness/disorientation that occurs with an inner ear infection, because my tympanic membrane was being held nicely in place. However, this caused a massive headache, a fever, feelings of pressure in my neck, and of course, the loss of hearing in my right ear! Unfortunately for me, this so closely mimicked meningitis that it became the concern and the target of investigation. Unfortunate, in that it caused hours and hours of panic and fear and worry that I might have bacterial meningitis, which is beyond scary in all its implications; that I might have viral meningitis and be looking at an emergency C-section; or that I had something else equally scary and equally threatening to our unborn baby.

So...you can imagine the relief we felt when we got a very simple explanation for a mysterious headache. After a course of pregnancy-safe antibiotics for the infection and some ramped-up Tylenol for pain, I shall be good as gold and quite healthy when I go to deliver a baby in about 3-4 weeks. What a huge, huge relief!!!

Morals of the story:

1. You know your own body. If you have a gut feeling that something isn't right, keep demanding diagnostic procedures and tests until something is found. Several people tried to convince me that my headache was just a "different-feeling migraine." Um, what about that fever then? I knew, KNEW, this wasn't true. I knew something was off, something was different, something wasn't right. Keep the medical staff attending you on their toes until they find something! Believe your instincts!
2. Don't let a doctor blow you off. Go to a different doctor, even in the same practice. Don't worry about ruffling feathers.
3. Stay as calm as you can, even in the face of truly frightening scenarios. Pray, pray, pray. Jesus is near!

the May list, in June

What we're watching: Well, with The Office and 30 Rock and American Idol (less said on that last one, the better...whatevs, America) already on summer hiatus, there's just about zilch to watch. So we're falling back on our favorite basics: Food Network (we can't get enough Ina Garten and Paula Deen in my house) and HGTV, of course. The one TV show I'm watching (I can't say that Marty actually watches it...he dozes throughout and makes a comment now and then) is the new season of Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. I can't help it, I love this girl. She just cracks me up, and I'm obsessed with the decor in her bedroom. It's a little too Hollywood for me, but it's definitely French-inspired, and I just heart it so. I wish I could find pictures of her little conversational area...great chairs and a great rug!

You can see the fabulous headboard and the lovely blue on the walls.

More of that delicious blue paint color, plus ivory curtains (on my wish list), and gold lamps (we have burnished gold lamp shades on ivory porcelain lamps).

What I'm reading: Speaking of Paula Deen...

I'm reading her autobiography/memoirs, and whoa, there's a lot more to this lady than even I thought, and I knew that there was a lot going on in there. What a life she has led...and what challenges she has overcome. This woman knows poverty and depression and hopelessness, and still kept fighting for a dream. So very inspiring...and quite funny, too. I recommend it, but remember, she's a sassy woman from the South, so those swear words slip out now and then!

What we're spending on: Baby equipment, what else? I can't believe how much stuff you have to have for a baby, and we're not even getting everything "out there" that we could possibly be guilted/swayed into buying by the baby-advertising machines (and even word of mouth). I mean, we didn't want to go with the cheapy $99 Graco carseat, nor could we afford (who can?) the $3000 Bug-a-Boo strollers, so we went upper-middle of the road: a Chicco Cortina travel system.A salesperson could only sell me so much on ergonomics and such things, but safety? Yeah, that's a big deal to us. The car seat base on this system was rated #1 in safety!

What we're saving for: a house. Now that we've really created a home together (furniture, kitchen supplies, electronics, etc.) -- and I have to remember sometimes that we haven't even been married a whole year yet -- it's time to start really plugging away at our savings for a house. This little boy inside of me needs a backyard and a swingset in the not-so-far-away future! I'm already mentally going through some of my favorite neighborhoods on the southside of Indy to show Marty...

What I need to do: Oh, the to-do list is still a mile long, but we seem to be getting little bits done here and there. We want another few long stretches of time of dealing with the basement (yes, the EVIL STORAGE ROOM has kind of taken over the entire basement), and I think we'll actually have purged through all the stuff we need to get rid of, stored and organized everything else, and then we'll create a nice guest suite for visitors when they start coming in about a month or so!

What I'm thinking about: the fact that my maternity leave starts a month from today. Oh hallelujah! I keep saying that phrase, but it means so much to me to have this light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, Will is going to come whenever HE decides to come, but Mama can take off work on her own timing. The way it looks right now is that I'll have at least a week off, to myself, before Will's due date. I'm going to put a whole new spin on relaxation: I just might spend entire half-days in the bathtub reading. I can't wait!

Things I've learned this month: That physical limitations are real and can't be ignored. We didn't end up going to Charleston this past weekend because my body simply couldn't do it. In fact, the trip from a couple weekends ago was still affecting me physically late last week -- I feel like I only bounced back just a couple days ago from that huge excursion of energy! With all the swelling I'm experiencing, plus the nearly 6-pound baby I'm carrying, plus the Southern heat of May/June (it's 86 degrees here, y'all!), there's just no way I can be out and about for hours at a time. It's very frustrating -- oh, the things you take for granted until you can't do them anymore -- but I'm learning to listen to my body and obey its signals, so I don't end up doubled-over with Braxton-Hicks contractions, sweating like a pig, and puffing for a good, deep breath. In the middle of a store. With people watching. Not good!

What I'm happy about: This is so expected and cliche, but I can hardly think of anything else these days -- getting my baby OUT! I don't want that to sound ungrateful, because my gratitude for this little blessing is deep and wide, but at this point in pregnancy, when you feel like your body is a joke, and energy is a myth, and you can actually see how big your baby's feet are when he pokes them out just under your ribs, it's just TIME to go ahead and have a baby already. Like I told my mom, I didn't pray all those years for pregnancies, I prayed for babies! So I think it's not TOO bad to simply want him on the outside of me, rather than where he is now, pushing my diaphragm up into my throat, my bladder up into my stomach, you get the picture. :)

House Beautiful's list of favorites

In this month's (June) issue of House Beautiful, several designers were asked to share their favorite things, given a list of about 20 categories. It was so much fun to read, mostly because these people are aware of stores and items that I've never even heard of (living in such posh places as Manhattan and LA and Palm Beach), but also because some of their choices were just downright normal (one guy picked Dove as his favorite soap instead of some fancy-schmancy French soap!). I thought it would be fun to share my favorites, and also to get some of you to share yours! Won't you play along with me?

Flower: of course, my beloved lily of the valley, but it's peony season right now and I'm remembering the days when my grandma's driveway was lined with white and pink peonies...

Sofa shape (remember, these questions were posed to interior designers, so I guess this is a question of utmost importance!): We have a great harvest/golden-yellow sectional sofa with nailhead trim that we scored for a steal from a closeout of a nearby Ashley Furniture store. I don't have a picture of it, but I thought I'd share pictures of some "dream" sofas:

I love kidney-shaped sofas (not necessarily this upholstery, though [Horchow sofa]).

I love both the tailored look and the soft green upholstery here (Horchow).I will admit it, I love the girly-ness of this soft blue sofa (Wisteria). It's just so "boudoir" to me!

Stationery: This is something I haven't bought yet, but I would love a set of stationery (cards and sheets) with a toile background and my monogram front and center. Don't know who/where I'd purchase it from...any ideas?

Comfort food: my mom's (warm) homemade bread with her homemade strawberry jam and the biggest glass of milk possible.

Lamp: Several years ago on an antique outing with Kate, in my favorite antique mall in Franklin, Indiana, I scored a set of ivory porcelain lamps for $17 each. I rewired them myself (with a little help from a dude at Home Depot) and bought burnished gold lampshades for them. They sit on our nightstands in our bedroom, and even though Marty hates the twist-turn-off feature (he doesn't like stretching that far), I love them to pieces. Maybe I'll take a picture and post it here later...

Alarm clock (this was another one that had me scratching my head a bit): I just use my cell phone's alarm feature, but perhaps it's a sign of refinement to have a chic alarm clock? Am going to look into this. :)

Everyday dishes: Apilco Tradition Blue-Banded dinnerware from Williams-Sonoma. We love these and how they go so nicely with red and gold, my other favorite kitchen colors.

All-purpose glass: We have Walmart glasses that I absolutely loathe and despise (nearly half have broken just from dishwasher use). However, I have my eye on some glasses at Cost Plus World Market...when I get around to such things again...

Color (remember, this is for decorating purposes): It's too hard to choose between golden yellow and red. They are definitely my favorites.

Soap: Our favorite hand soap for so long was "Sensual Amber" from Bath & Body Works, but for some crazy reason they no longer sell that fragrance in hand soaps. So, I guess we're still trying to find our next favorite soap!

Picture frame: I currently don't have any, but my favorite picture frames are the polished mother-of-pearl ones. I still haven't ordered any wedding pictures, so maybe when those come in I'll have a reason to go out and get some!

Scented candle: Maison candles in vanilla, which I can usually find at SteinMart. Not your average vanilla fragrance, I assure you!

Cleaning supply: Method's all-surface spray in French lavender (the clean, fresh scent is truly addictive).
Coffee table book: We are sans coffee table right now, but in the past I've always set out my "Kings and Queens of England" books. Nothing goes better with coffee than British monarchy. :)

Ice cream: probably Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream with chocolate syrup; however, I love me some Oreo, some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia, some old-fashioned butter pecan...

Vacuum: We've been inducted into the Oreck cult. We really like the performance of it, but I'm still drawn to the Dyson every time I see a commercial for it (I think it's the British accent...).

Towel: We received some Biltmore "for the home" towels for our wedding, and I think they're some of the best towels I've ever owned. Other than that, I'd go for any fluffy white Egyptian cotton towel.

Sheets: I'm a thread-counter. I truly believe you get what you pay for, in sheets especially. We're snobs and won't get anything below a 700- or 800-thread count.

Coffee or tea: Starbuck's Cafe Verona and Cinnabon's coffee; Constant Comment or Earl Grey for tea.

Chair: I love so many kinds of chairs, but I think my favorites are wingbacks (I've seen the old BBC version of Jane Eyre too many times, with just Mr. Rochester's profile peeking out from beyond a wingback...)

(another beauty from Horchow)

Kitchen gadget: Definitely our new Cuisinart coffeemaker.

Artist: Van Gogh, without a doubt.

Kate and Dan gave us a lovely gold-framed print of this for our wedding.

And that's it! I eliminated a few categories, but these really capture the essence of the article. Please do a list of your own (you don't have to post images like I did; I know how long it can take to upload pix) and leave a comment letting me know you did so, and I'll link you up on this post!

Babymoon!

Here's a rundown of our babymoon...

• We didn't get on the road until Saturday at noon. This pregnant body moves like a tortoise these days, plus I really wanted pancakes for breakfast. Then of course, you know how you can't leave your house until the kitchen is cleaned, sofa cushions rearranged, bed made, and your iPod loaded up with new tunes? Ugh. My pet peeve as a little girl was how long it took my parents to get going on the morning of a vacation; I would dance around in eagerness while they loaded coolers and suitcases, singing "let's goooooooooooo already!" Now I get it. Anyway, we finally got on the road and because it was Memorial Day weekend and a certain husband of mine is trying to obey speed limits these days (I'll let you guess why), we arrived exactly 5 hours later. What was a 3.5-hour trip in my flawed memory from March is actually a 4.5-hour trip that was extended to 5 hours from the law-obeying and pit stops and traffic. I was able to sleep a good portion of the way, though, and a nap in a sunny, moving car is always one of my favorite ways to sleep (I know, I'm weird).
• So we arrived at our hotel and checked in, then I drove downtown to give Marty his first peek at downtown Charleston. I'm amazed at my inner GPS system; it rarely fails me. I've visited Charleston a dozen times or so, but I haven't driven all that much during my visits, so I'm very thankful when landmarks and streets come so easily to memory (how did the length of the trip get so morphed, though?). We parked along the Battery and watched sailboats and motorboats and pelicans all doing their thing along the Ashley River, then it was off to the Mustard Seed (restaurant) on James Island to meet Leslie and her boyfriend Alex for dinner. And here's where Trip Disappointment #1 comes into play: we failed to take pictures of our evening, and then the next day, too! We only got pictures from Monday, which I'll share when I get to that point, but we just kept failing to pull out the silly camera. Anyway, we had a fabulous time with Lessy and Alex (we heart him!) and laughed our rears off all the way from sitting down through coffee and dessert. You know, you really appreciate friends so much more when you're isolated in a tiny Tennessee town most of the time!
• Sunday morning we woke up to a drizzly rain and a very heavy, overcast sky -- we checked the forecast and sure enough, rain was predicted until the middle of the week. And here's where Trip Disappointment #2 came in...in the words of Jane Eyre..."there was no possibility of a [photo-shoot] that day." I called Leslie and she, Marty, and I did a round-robin kind of conversation in which we decided to a) call off the shoot (meant to be outdoors) for that weekend, and b) meet back up in Charleston next weekend. That's right -- we're going BACK to Charleston next weekend. Besides the drive, and the fact that I'll be further along and bigger, there's really nothing impeding us from going back, and Marty is actually quite pumped about it. We really had THAT good of a time! (Not to mention that the forecast for next weekend is filled with sunshine...)
• So...we decided on doing some indoor activities, including practically my favorite thing to do in Charleston -- shopping on King Street!!! We started out in that mecca of French country furniture and accessories, Pierre Deux. Kids, I've been getting their catalog for probably a decade, but have never once purchased anything. That all changed on my babymoon! One of the greatest things about my husband is the fact that he and I share the same sense of style and taste in most everything, especially in home decor (Marty's Aunt Becky is all about French country, and Marty was her shopping companion for many years in New York, so he had quite an education at the feet of a master!). Anyway, we spent nearly 2 hours in the store, debating purchasing this or that addition to our home. We finally decided on two red toile lamp shades, on sale 20% off. If I hadn't been pregnant and already tired, I would have jumped up and down and clapped in sheer joy! Then it was on to Brooks Brothers, and it was time to spoil my husband for awhile. Wives out there, I'm sure you know how great it feels to let your hubby run a wee little loose in his favorite store, whether that's Best Buy or Home Depot or, in my Marty's case, Brooks Brothers. I sat in a leather chair sipping my Starbucks iced coffee, just enjoying every second of the ear-to-ear grin splitting my husband's face. It was worth every penny we spent! (Not to mention the fact that he looked so darn sharp when he walked out of the house this morning...) Then we were off to Kids on King, a sweet little baby boutique. There we found the cutest little newborn formal attire, so we bought William his baptismal outfit (nope, not a long white robe; just a cute little baby-blue, starched-cotton one-piece with a white collar). We also found infant crib shoes in white leather to go with his outfit. I can't wait to see how he looks in it! I'll take a picture and post it soon, but definitely later since this post is already approaching boring in its length...(sorry, it is my journal, you know!)
• Next it was off to Magnolia's, a quite famous restaurant on East Bay Street in Charleston. Here's the dinner menu, because I want you to see how uniquely Southern yet completely gourmet this restaurant is! We had fried green tomatoes for our appetizer (YUM-MEE) then Marty had the Grilled Yellowfin Tuna while I had the Shellfish over Grits. We were both so impressed with our meals that we were speechless at first. I've never tasted such fabulous scallops in my life, and the experience has sparked a new craving for scallops! (If only I could get that lobster sauce they served with the scallops...)
• After we rolled out of the restaurant, we decided to close out the day with a walk on the pier at Folly Beach. I have to tell you that Charleston, and especially Folly Beach, are "touchstone" places for me. I have pondered my life at various turning points right there on that sand, and most recently, pondered it right before I met Marty and my life changed forever. So visiting Folly Beach with Marty felt like closing a circle that had always been open and hanging before he came into my world. The rain was holding off again by that point but there was another big storm building in the horizon, so the fishers and surfers were out en force. We sat on the pier and watched the surfers catch the waves, and just talked about life and the coming arrival of our son. It's just so very nice to watch the ocean and dream with one's honey. Ahhhhh. :)
• Finally, before this post outgrows its welcome (too late!), we woke up Monday morning/Memorial Day to an overcast, muggy day. We knew we had to leave by noon in order to have some lazy time at home, so we planned an early-in-the-day expedition out to Ft. Sumter. And here are the only pix captured on our babymoon!

Charleston, aka, "the Holy City"

Marty enjoying the boat ride, in what I call his "JFK" pose. :)

Boat hair!!!

Ft. Sumter from a distance...

...and Ft. Sumter close up.

The king captures the castle...

...and then threatens to take Charleston, too. :)

A 200+ year-old fireplace -- can you imagine the stories and secrets it's heard? From both Union and Confederate soldiers!

A view of the Cooper River Bridge (sits just to the right of Charleston downtown, looking from the harbor) from the ramparts(?) of Ft. Sumter.

• Marty and I both found it very meaningful to be at Ft. Sumter on Memorial Day. All weekend we'd been engaged in something of a Dixie vs. Yankee debate about the legality and morality of secession, and visiting Ft. Sumter really brought home to me the awesome task that Lincoln faced in preserving the Union that had been so carefully built by our founding fathers. And how that same Union, which would become the 50 United States of America, would be fought for and kept safe from enemies by so many succeeding generations, including both my grandfathers and both of Marty's grandfathers. We remembered them all (my Grandpa Waltz is the only one still with us) on Monday, and were so thankful for the time and energies they sacrificed and the blood they spilled for this country and for us. Thank you again, Papa Conway, "Pop" Lucic, Grandpa Wood, and Grandpa Waltz. You are an ongoing inspiration to your grandchildren! We love you!
• And there you have it, kids. No maternity pictures yet, but hopefully those are coming soon! To be continued next weekend...

If he's not the cutest baby in the whole world...

Look at my sweet little William, smiling in his sleep. Boy, did he ever give his ultrasound doctor a hard time getting this image! For more than 20 minutes, Dr. Gorrell nudged and poked and prodded, had me turn quarter-turns every couple minutes, even putting me mostly upside-down at one point, just to get Will to put his little hands down from his face. Finally, finally, finally, I nudged him myself on his bottom (the doctor showed me where to nudge) and Will put his hands down and both Marty and I gasped as we saw his precious chubby cheeks for the first time.

This mommy just can't wait much longer to plant a million kisses on those chubby cheeks!

Updates

First off, the missing picture:

~30 weeks~

(right before getting into that PT Cruiser and driving 7 hours to Indiana!)

Secondly, Marty's office baby shower: We had such a great time. The office ordered up a good old-fashioned Southern BBQ lunch, with pulled pork BBQ, baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw, sweet tea (all those kind of fixin's). Then we had vanilla and chocolate cupcakes for dessert. Personally, I drank diet/caffeine-free Coke like it was water (probably should have just had WATER), but it tasted so amazingly good to me. Then it was time for the gifties, and we were once again overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of those whom God has filled our lives with...

Marty handed me presents and we took turns opening them and reading the sweet cards.

This was a cute little ducky-themed gift. Inside the package I'm holding is "The Fuzzy Duckling" (the Little Golden Book). I had this book when I was little and I think I read my Little Golden Books for years and years. This particular one came with a matching onesie! The little ducky that Marty is holding is actually a bottle holder -- you stick a bottle down the ducky's mouth and your child can hold a friend while he drinks his bottle. So cute!

Few things delight us like big ole boxes of Pampers. This was a box of size 2's, which is where we're shallowing in the stock-up pile. Yay for diaper stocking!

Among the other gifts were treasures such as a onesie that says "When God made me, He was just showing off" and another one that proclaims "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I love these little "statement" onesies. I gave Marty a onesie for Will (pre-Father's Day) that says "If you think I'm cute, you should see my Daddy." We also received some football-themed items, much to Marty's delight. He is so excited to sit down with his son on NFL opening night and introduce Will to the wonders of football. :)

Here's me with Marty's dear friend Brian, the other lawyer in the office (who has a little boy and gives us great advice!):

It was so much fun for me to see Marty's friends and coworkers spoil him and love on him like they did. I know what a jewel of a man I have, but it's so lovely to experience others appreciating him, too. Thank you so much, Tennessee Department of Labor! You guys rock!

Finally, a few hours later, we went to our 32-week appointment at the doctor's. We saw Dr. Pickler again, who is the most business-like of the 3 OBs we see, but she can be pretty darn funny, too. Stats from this visit: 1) my blood pressure is staying almost exactly the same, and I'm so thankful for this -- 108/64; 2) I gained 3 pounds -- not loving this, but I know this is super-normal for mid-third trimester; 3) my fundus measurement was 34 cms, exactly what Marty and I had predicted in the car on the way to the office. I seem to be staying right at 2 cms ahead of my gestational progress. The only thing that bothered me this visit was Will's heartbeat, which Dr. Pickler first found at 117 bpm. This really scared me at first, since his heartbeat has never been that low, but Dr. Pickler stimulated Will with the doppler and she says he must have been sleeping, because he woke up, moved around, and his heartbeat went straight into the low 140's. She said that a reactive baby like that is a good, healthy baby, and I will just have to take her word for it, I know. I can't quite get that feeling of worry out of my mind, though...

~32 weeks~
(in the doctor's office)

One other thing I forgot to mention -- we "graduated" from childbirth class on Monday night, with a certificate and everything! So many baby doings this week that I failed to mention one of the most important ones. My brother-in-law John asked me what this actually "certifies" us to be or do, and I said, I really think it just certifies us as "not completely ignorant on the methods of childbirth." I really enjoyed our classes, even though the final night was both scary -- we watched a video where they spare you NOTHING in the ways of sounds and images -- and delightful -- we toured the Women's Center and saw birthing rooms, and most importantly, the nursery. There was a little peanut in there, just under 7 pounds, and he was squirming in that wonderful infant way in his bassinet -- it was all I could do to resist the urge to go scoop him up and coo at him. My maternal urges are crazy-strong right now! Just a few weeks to go, just a few weeks to go...

for sake of comparison...

~22 weeks~

~31 weeks~

I just saw these two pictures side-by-side and had to share: what a difference 9 weeks makes! And I have 7 weeks to go -- isn't that scary?

It must be Baby Week

So much going on this week, I just want to jot it down:

1. First off, I don't want to say much until she posts it on her blog, but my BF Kate gave birth to a young man named Jack this morning. Naturally. As in, no epidural. Who else thinks this woman is a goddess??? I'm beyond pleased that Jack's arrival was safe and healthy for all, and that Kate is reveling in new mommyhood once again. And man-oh-man, I can't wait to join her in that state. William, can you come a wee bit early like your buddy Jack did? Say, 6 weeks from now? Mommy would really, really, really LOVE that!
2. Tomorrow is a huge Baby day in our household: a) Marty's coworkers are giving us a lunchtime baby shower and we are so excited! I just hope I can find places for the gifts -- we are full-swing into nursery preparation now and I will share pictures just as soon as I can -- but we're already running out of storage for everything! b) We are having our 32-week doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. And I just realized that I totally forgot to share the stats from the 30-week appointment: my fundus measured 32 cms (1 more cm and I would have been whisked off for an ultrasound to make sure Will isn't getting TOO big in there); my BP was excellent at 108/65; and I lost(???) 6 ounces -- I was thrilled at first, but then I started to think maybe Will wasn't getting enough nutrition, but the doctor told us that Will is doing great, and he's getting plenty, and this lack of weight gain is normal for me, at this point. My doctor did say that this probably wouldn't be a trend, so not to get too excited. :) I also have a 30-weeks picture floating around here somewhere, and I'll try to post that when I find it.
3. Friday we're going for a 3-D/4-D ultrasound! Sadly, we are on the very ledge of the "window of time" for getting good images. Who knew that 32 weeks would be too late for such a thing? But apparently, Will might be too squished up in there to get clear pictures of his face, but we're going to try anyway. Why not? And if we're successful, I'll be sure to post a couple pix here. Someone told my husband that doing this is like "opening our present before Christmas Day" but we don't see it like that at all. We are taking advantage of an amazing technological opportunity to get a good "glimpse" (honestly, that's all it is) of our son as he continues to grow and develop. Of course he'll look different in 6-7 weeks, and of course he'll look different on the outside! Personally, having a picture of his face, no matter how squished or blurry, will probably help me while I'm laboring to get him into the world. And that's priceless to me!
4. Finally, we are using this upcoming Memorial Day weekend to take a babymoon!!! Yee-haw!!! Okay, so it's 3.5 hours from here and not exactly within the 30-mile radius of home that I'm supposed to observe, but given that I'm a first-time mama with no known complications, we could make it back to our hospital here in JC with plenty of time to spare, if labor were to randomly start. Then again, perhaps it would be even cooler to have William born in Charleston! Yes, that's right, we're headed to Chucktown (one of my favorite places on the whole planet) for 3 whole days. And not just for the rest, peaceful walks on the beach, and good food, but also so my "life photographer" and dear friend Leslie can take some maternity pictures of me/us. She did such an amazing job on our wedding pictures, and we love that she captured "us" and our style, so we'd like to have some maternity pictures done in the same vein. I can't wait to see what she will do! And I also can't wait to just hang out with her and soak up some of her sunshine personality. She is so good for me!

That's all for now, but lots of updates and pictures to come. Happy Monday, everyone!

WAHM?

My friend Mary gave me this book as part of a shower gift:

This book just taught me that when I return to work after maternity leave, I will be a "WAHM," or a work-at-home mom.

Then I realized that, with a simple letter switch, I would be these guys:

I have no idea why this is so hysterically funny to me, but I am still laughing about it. I think I'm really tired and need to sleep all weekend. Anyone agree? :)

Catching up: business trip, baby shower, birthing classes, and body language

Yep, that's a hefty blog post title, but I have much to cover. It seems so odd that I haven't updated my blog in over 2 weeks, but I think I may have set records for being busy (at least for pregnant girls) in these last 2 weeks!

Business trip: first off, I should mention that we went to our first childbirth class the (Monday) night before I left for my trip, but more on that later. Let's just say for now, though, that it gave me quite a bit of food for thought for my 7-hour drive to Indianapolis! Anyway, I departed on Tuesday morning in my rental car (a PT Cruiser!) after giving my Marty a few lingering kisses goodbye -- it was pretty awful leaving him and the safety I feel with him, especially in these last few weeks of pregnancy. However, I was armed with copies of my prenatal records, just in case something were to happen while I was away from my doctors and hospital (and husband!). The 7-hour trip was pretty brutal, both on my concentration (I get very sleepy in the afternoons) and on my bladder! But I finally made it to the Omni downtown Indy, where I'd be staying the next couple nights, and then met up with my coworkers Caron and Teri. The 3 of us function as a vendor editorial team for a few writing teams at _____ (big pharma company in Indy; for some reason I'm loath to use the actual name here -- privacy concerns and all that?). Anyway, we went to Spaghetti Factory and had the greatest time with each other; it's so funny because we "talk" on email every day but have only physically met twice! I also met my boss for the first time in the Omni lobby that night -- who else can say that after reporting to your boss for nearly a year??? Work-from-home is a crazy thing sometimes! The next day was a series of meeting people and sitting in meetings. That day we did a lot of walking around to different meeting rooms, and by the afternoon, I was coming down a staircase when I suddenly had a series of Braxton-Hicks contractions. I didn't tell anyone right away, just wanting to stay on my feet until we reached our destination. This was only my second experience with Braxton-Hicks, and for some reason, I always break out into a sweat when I feel them, because they come on with swift intensity and are pretty strong and border on painful. They ended as soon as I had been sitting down for a few minutes, which my doctor told me was normal (too much activity can bring them on, and therefore, ceasing the activity can stop them completely). Fortunately, the next day we pretty much stayed in the same room all day, so the only activity I had were my frequent trips to the restroom. I know people understand that pregnant women need to run to the potty quite a bit, but I'm sorry, it's still embarrassing to have people observe how many times you've exited the room in an hour's time!!! All-in-all, it was a great business trip, especially because I finally got to put so many faces to the names I see in my inbox every day (yeah, I'm particularly talking about you, Laura!). Thursday afternoon I dropped a couple of coworkers off at the new Indy airport (so stunning, so chic! Good job, Indianapolis!) and made my way to Greenwood, aka, "home." I got to see my parents, sister Sarah, and my nieces and nephews -- it had been a couple months since our last visit, and everyone was pretty astonished at the size of my belly. I joked that I had a soccer ball up my shirt but my 2-year-old nephew Elijah didn't get it and kept wanting up my shirt to retrieve that soccer ball! So stinkin' cute. Then I showed him my skin and told him it was a baby, and he patted my belly and said "baby" but seemed pretty disappointed that it was a baby and not a soccer ball. Oh the priorities of a 2-year-old boy. :) That night and Friday were spent in various activities with my family -- my mom took me baby-gear shopping on Friday afternoon, then Sarah and Garrett took me out to dinner and to see the new Star Trek movie on Friday night. I had the greatest time, but kept wanting my hubby to be with me!!! Saturday morning I met Ellen for our tradition of Starbucks + manis/pedis, and I had the greatest time there, too. The Asian folks who run the place know us (that tells you how often El and I frequent the joint!) and hugged me upon seeing the prodigal return for a visit from Tennessee! Then it was home to take a quick shower, receive some Mother's Day tulips at the door from my Marty (oh yes, he is absolutely the perfect husband), and then I was off to my baby shower!

Baby shower:

The mama with that soccer ball up her dress! (Me and Will at exactly 31 weeks.)

The beautiful cake with baby booties (I think one of my little nieces went in for a finger sample at the front...).

The bountiful spread: my mom's famous chicken salad on croissants and bakery buns, spinach dip with Hawaiian bread, veggies and dip, cheeseball with crackers and chips, garden salad, fruit salad, pasta salad, and pineapple punch!

The bountiful goodies...I was honestly overwhelmed with the love and generosity shown to me, Marty, and our little son. The gift bags covered several feet in diameter on my sister's kitchen floor, and it just left me gaping with awe and gratitude.

Some of my guests -- so much love in the room. And the impromptu entertainment was provided by my nieces Ada and Abby, who performed a princess dance in their little pink dresses and toy wands. (Once again, I pray to the Father to give me a little girl, too!)

Me and Ellen, who did all the note-taking for me (it was a serious job!).

Opening gifts...

I love the little man-robes!

Exhausted but so happy to have finally experienced this lovely rite of passage that I had looked forward to -- quite literally -- all my life.

Thank you so much to everyone who attended and/or sent a gift. Marty was stunned to see all the bags piled up in our living room, and we are just beyond grateful for all the love you've shown to us. Thank you for outfitting our little boy and his nursery in such style! And for giving me a dream come true (a very special thank-you to my sisters for this). If it had been up to me, I would have experienced all this many years ago, but God's timing is perfect, and I am walking proof of that. Thank you God for all the blessings, given in the best way and at the right time!

Birthing class: (isn't this post over yet??? you are wondering...) So Marty and I went to our second birthing class just a couple nights ago, and it was even more sobering than the first one. Now, our teacher (a labor/delivery nurse for over 20 years), Cindy, is a lovely woman, but she tells it like it is. She doesn't avoid nonsociable words and she really doesn't avoid any topics, no matter how sensitive or private they feel. We are learning quite a bit, and while some of it is fascinating and exciting, other parts are downright scary. I might need a blood transfusion after birth? Eh? I might have to push for 3 hours only to be given a C-section? Double-eh? THAT's what 10 centimeters looks like? Oh glory be! Cindy is not only giving us a birthing education, she's also teaching us breathing techniques (I swear I started to fall asleep during the exercise on Monday -- envisioning a beach while breathing slowly) and explaining all the options we have for labor and delivery. Surprisingly (to me), she has also recommended writing a birth plan. I have heard that presenting a birth plan can be something of an affront to the nursing staff caring for you, and I've no desire to set those important people at odds with me from the moment of "go." However, Cindy has stipulated that we not follow any Internet templates, nor write something 20 pages long. She says to just keep it simple and only include what you feel strongly about. Easy enough, I think: we know that we'd rather have the doctor cut the cord, that Marty and I want to be by ourselves (no guests) during the actual birth, that we want Will kept with us for an hour or so after birth so I can nurse him and we can bond as a family, etc., etc. I also know that I want an epidural if and when I get to that point (I'd like to see how far I can go but I'm not stubbornly holding out for an "au naturel" birth because I'm intimately familiar with my pain threshold). There are probably about 20-25 stipulations we would like to see enforced, but they will certainly fit on 1 piece of paper and (hopefully) wouldn't overwhelm my nurse(s), nor make them feel like they're limited/hampered in doing their job(s).

Body language: Finally, this past week has been something of a change for me in pregnancy symptoms. Maybe it's exacerbated by all the traveling and busy-ness and stress, but I've begun to experience swelling in my hands, feet, and ankles. Every morning I wake up with numb, tingly hands, and it usually takes a couple hours for me to be able to move my wedding ring on my finger. Socks leave angry red impressions on my ankles, and I've taken to only wearing flip-flops (unless it's raining, which really frustrates me!). In addition, I feel this weird pressurized feeling on my chest (especially there), down my arms, and down my thighs. It so freaked me out the other night that I paged my doctor about it (I have to defend myself here; I've made it to nearly 32 weeks without ever having paged the doctor, so I think that's pretty good!). Dr. Pickler reassured me that at this stage of pregnancy, my diaphragm has moved up and there is extra pressure on my chest cavity, and even though it doesn't feel like I'm getting enough oxygen, as long as I can carry on a conversation, that indicates I'm getting plenty of air. She said the pressure I feel in and on my limbs is also perfectly normal. Even though it didn't make me feel much better (I wasn't given any advice on how to alleviate any of the above!), at least I knew I wasn't starting down the road to Scaryville things like toxemia (I had this thought in my head for some reason). It's pretty daunting to think I have 8 weeks to go, and how much worse these things will feel, and how much bigger I'll get(!), but then again, it's only another 8 weeks and then we'll experience the long-awaited arrival of our little man. I can't wait!!!

Whew! End of post, thank goodness. Thanks to my sister Katie for the shower pictures!

Autism Awareness Month

Even though April is in its waning days, and a million things have prevented me from writing this post, I need to share my thoughts on Autism Awareness Month.

This precious boy is my nephew, Ethan Lee. He's been my Buddy from nearly the moment of his birth. I remember holding him for the first time (all 11 pounds of him!) and feeling a mutual comfort pass between us; he was content to be held in my arms and I was only too happy to finally have a baby in the family to play with! As the first grandchild in my family, this boy achieved a special status just by being born. Then during his first night of life, when he was diagnosed with double pneumonia and whisked away to NICU, he became that much more special to us. As he recovered, we realized what a fighter we had on our hands! Then during his second year of life, when his mama and daddy began to realize Ethan had communication issues and we finally got the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, he achieved a whole new echelon of special in our hearts, because we knew that our Ethan was in for the fight of his life.

Getting a special hug on my wedding day

I can't even put into words how much I love this boy. My sister Katie (his "Aunt Modey") and I often comment to each other how privileged we feel to be included in this little man's inner circle of trust and love. You see, kids with autism sometimes have challenges expressing and accepting affection. Not our Ethan! Yes, he is very wary of strangers (which is always a good thing), and it takes quite a while for "outsiders" to earn their place in his world. My Marty has made careful attempts to reach out to Ethan, not wanting to overstep his boundaries and wanting Ethan to feel comfortable accepting him as an uncle when he felt like it, and not before. Just a couple months ago, Marty finally "got the nod," so to speak. He was standing in my sister's kitchen, getting a refill of ice water from the fridge, when he felt a little hand on his waist. He looked down to see Ethan just touching him for a brief moment, and Marty says he knew he was "in." What a great moment! As for me, I've always been the recipient of special hugs and kisses. Sometimes, Ethan will be watching one of his beloved Thomas videos (there's nothing this kid likes more than Thomas!) and he'll pat the sofa cushion next to him and beckon to me. I'll sit down next to him and my Buddy snuggles right up into my body and puts his hand rather possessively on my leg. This never fails to make me smile, and more often than not, I'll even shed a couple of tears. I've even been known to lift my 60+-pound nephew in my arms and carry him around (not while I've been pregnant, I promise!) because I still feel that feeling of mutual comfort pass between us.

As for Ethan's fight with autism? Still ongoing, of course, but he keeps making new strides. Even though he struggles, it's such a huge joy to see him jump new hurdles. I remember when he wrote his name for the first time, how we cried and cried. And even though they're somewhat limited, we have actual conversations now. A million praises go to my hard-working sister, who pursues every therapy and every curriculum and every learning tool she can get her hands on. Sarah is such an inspiration to me, and I've learned so much about the passionate love of a mother from her experiences fighting for the best of everything for Ethan. Right now, she and my brother-in-law are working to save money for a special dog who's trained to help kids with autism. There will be a couple types of fundraisers later this summer toward this effort, and I'll be sure to post about those here.

So why "autism awareness"? Before Ethan Lee came along, I had no idea of the struggles that autistic kids face. I had no idea how the parents of these kids have to challenge school boards for proper education, how they have to transport these kids from therapy session to doctor's appointment to kindergarten to home, sometimes in a single day (and how some of these parents have 3 other kids!). I never knew the emotional rollercoaster you take when you love a kid with autism. How you would do anything to fix it, but how there's very little you can do but love and cuddle and play with and comfort. And pray...and help in any way you can. If you know a family with an autistic kid, just know that the parents and grandparents and yes, even the aunts and uncles, face all kinds of challenges in nurturing and raising their very special gift. If nothing else, be aware enough to say a prayer for these families, but mostly for the kids who have to fight their disorder every day.

I'm sending you lots of special hugs today, my sweet Buddy! Auntie B loves you!!!

the April list

*New categories!*

Okay, I'm sure this excites no one else but me. I think of my blog as the closest thing I'm capable of keeping as far as a personal journal goes, so I wanted my monthly list to capture just a wee bit more than what it had been. So here goes!

*new* What we're watching: American Idol, and for me, because of Adam Lambert!

Um, could I love this kid any more than I do??? He was my favorite from the very beginning (don't believe me? Ask my husband -- I picked him out long before he made any of the big cuts!). I love his adorably punk self, with the black nails and spiked hair and earrings. You better believe it. I keep telling Marty that he's this amazing combination of Freddie Mercury, Steve Perry, and Barry Gibb! Oh, the falsetto he can achieve! The only reason I'm really watching American Idol these days is to catch my 5 minutes of Adam Lambert, because the crazily greedy people at the network CHARGE you on iTunes just to catch the latest competition songs. How stupid is that? Anyway, whether he wins or not (and personally, he really doesn't HAVE any competition up there), I know he's going on to have a great career, and Marty has already promised me concert tickets and CDs when they come out! Honestly, it's not just his extraordinary talent that has captured my attention. He is the only contestant who always acknowledges his back-up vocalists and band performers. He is actually quite humble and gracious for a kid who's a total rock star!!! I heart you, Adam Lambert!

We're also watching The Office (last night's episode had to be the best one ever -- Jim is always the hero!) and 30 Rock, as usual. The Thursday night line-up is really the only thing we consistently watch besides American Idol. Usually we're Food Network and HGTV junkies.

What I'm reading: I've been a reading fiend this month -- perhaps I know it's because my time is running out to devote hours upon hours to books??? I can tell my son one day that ONLY for him would Mommy have ever given up her book time!

1) A Reliable Wife, by Robert Goolrick. I finished this one a couple weeks ago, and wow, this was a sexy book! However, the sexiness was intrinsically tied to the plot, and I can't say anymore without revealing too much, but if you like thrillers/mysteries with great characters, and you don't mind a certain degree of sensual content, this is a great book for you. There is a major plot twist that I had to read 3 times to be sure I understood the revelation!

2) Mommywood, by one of my favorite celebrities (don't judge me, even deep, complex people can have favorite celebrities, in my humble opinion!), Ms. Tori Spelling! Kids, this girl cracks me up. She has one of the most unique perspectives on Hollywood and all the glitz and glamour, because she was raised in such a privileged way, but has been self-reliant her entire adult life (her mother is a real piece of work). She is so honest and her sense of humor is right up my alley. And I loved reading about her experiences with motherhood, for those very reasons -- she's brutally honest and laughs at all her misadventures along the way (the poop in the pool incident was hysterical). Fluffy to the extreme, but I highly recommend it.

3) Finally, Marty and I are sort of co-reading this Smart Guide to the Book of Revelation by Daymond Duck and Larry Richards. I guess you could say I'm a (very?) amateur theologian, because I love understanding the Bible and church history and apologetics, and though I'm pretty well-versed (get it?) in some areas (I could teach Genesis), I'm quite woefully ignorant in others (uh, Revelation). So far, I am really getting into it. I now know the significance of the seven angels, seven letters, seven lampstands, etc. And I love how the book (Revelation) is written -- so much parallelism and great imagery. Of course, when I get further into it, I might really be ready to pull my hair out because I know it gets pretty difficult the deeper you go. But Marty and I are having fun reading this and discussing. We come from such different viewpoints: I believe in the Rapture and I'm a sold-out Millenialist, whereas he was raised not believing in the Rapture and is quite a-Millenialist. So this book is prompting all kinds of discussion in our home! One of our favorite things to do is have a down-and-dirty theological debate. How nerdy are we?

What we're spending on: A cradle, probably something like this one.Thing is, I HATE the rollers/casters. I'm sure they're practical for putting the baby down for a nap in various rooms throughout the day (so it serves you, rather than you being a slave to its location), but we'd be opting for a cradle over a bassinet anyway because of the aesthetic. I just can't get into the frilly, fluffy, bells-and-whistles bassinets. They look cheap and ugly to me! Anyway, I love the classic look of a cradle, but I'm going to see if those casters come OFF before I buy! Or I'll just get used to it and somewhere around the middle of July be thankful that the cradle can roll around!

What we're saving for: The pay-off of my labor & delivery bill. I never knew you had to make payments on these things loooong before you have your first contraction! Or is it just my screwy insurance? I don't know, but heavens-to-Betsy, it feels weird making payments on something that won't happen for 11 weeks yet, and especially so, considering my mind gets all fuzzy when I start thinking of how everything's going to go down...I think my mind goes into self-protection mode, like, "don't think about it yet, Becky! Too scary just now!"

What I need to do: File all my paperwork for maternity leave (yee-haw!). Get a couple more outfits/dresses for business trip/baby shower in May. Learn the ins and outs of nursing bras and invest in a few (here's where nursing moms, past and present, give me all kinds of advice on brands, etc.). Move my office downstairs, set up nursery in current office (this is going to be no SMALL task).

What I'm thinking about: God's providential care. He keeps working things out in my life, more perfectly than I could have planned or dreamed. One of these days I'm going to actually learn to trust Him implicitly.

What I'm working on: You guessed it. Evil Storage Room. It really is a monstrous project, and while we are making progress, it seems like the chore that will not die.

*new* Things I've learned this month: 1) That you're supposed to have 3 sets of sheets for every bed in your home: one on the bed, one in the laundry, and one clean and folded, waiting in the closet. I'm pretty sure I got this handy advice from House Beautiful (magazine). 2) That sometimes colds last longer than 7-10 days. I still can't hear out of my left ear. 3) That I'm sick to death of "going green" ads and commercials and shows and articles and just get out of my face about the environment already!!! One of my magazines last month told me to stop using Windex, paper towels, bottled water, the list went on and ON. Of course I don't want to trash our planet, but for heaven's sake, I'm going to wipe down dirty mirrors with Windex and paper towels and then take a nice big slug from an Evian when I'm done, thank you very much, if that's what I WANT to do! We don't live in a communist country (yet).

What I'm happy about: May is just around the corner, and we're so busy that month, that before I blink, June will be here and we're hoping to take a quick little "babymoon" if we can afford it. I plan on doing NOTHING the month of June and just enjoying the last few weeks of having my hubby all to myself, before we embark on the grand adventure of parenthood!

That's it for now. Happy weekend everyone! It's going to be in 80s all weekend here, and Evil Storage Room notwithstanding, we're going to spend time outside!!!

Viral infection, Day 9

When I went to see my doctor (OB/GYN; because apparently PCPs don't want to treat you if you're pregnant, who knew?) last week about the worst cold ever, he ran a strep test (which was negative) and looked down my throat, in my ears, etc. He pronounced me sick with a virus and recommended TheraFlu, sleep, and fluids. He also told me I'd "probably feel miserable for 7-10 days." Well, Dr. Hinton, here I am on Day 9, and I'm still sniffly, sneezy, and stuffed up, not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to hear out of my left ear for 2 solid days. And "miserable" doesn't really come close. All I did all weekend, besides completely wear myself out with a 2-hour trip to WalMart, was sleep. Or lie on the couch in a semi-comatose state. Because I have no energy to do anything else! Meanwhile, my laundry is piling up and my to-do list has begun mocking me. I have exactly 2 weeks until I start an extremely busy week/weekend in Indiana, with a 3-day business trip, immediately followed by my baby shower on May 9th. I have to be up to snuff to focus on my work and all the meetings I'll be in, and of course I want to feel good so I can enjoy seeing so many loved ones at my baby shower!

I've heard that "every pregnancy has its cold" but this cold is threatening to stick around for the duration, or at least it seems so. I actually felt better on Friday but I should have known it was just the eye of the storm, teasing me with a brief reprieve.

Anyway, here I sit, on Day 9, having exhausted 3 boxes of Kleenex and living in fear that my son will be born addicted to Tylenol. I'm getting ready to go make another pot of decaf Earl Grey tea and hope I can concentrate on my work for this afternoon.

I'm getting desperate to feel better! Does anyone have any pregnancy-safe suggestions for kicking a cold to the curb, once and for all?

Pix and tales from our Easter weekend

So I know my sister is ready to shoot me if I don't put up some belly shots soon, so even though the latest pix of me aren't my greatest, one has to appease one's sister. Here are a couple shots from the doctor's office at our 26-week visit (read more about that here):

Notice the bandage? I honestly don't know why they do blood draws at EVERY visit. And is it just me or am I looking swollen?

Our appointment was on Tuesday the 7th and by Thursday the 9th, we were on the road to an Easter weekend in Mississippi. We decided to stay in Memphis the evening of the 9th, and Marty was thrilled to take me out to his favorite BBQ joint, the famous "Rendezvous." Marty almost had tears in his eyes eating his ribs, but I was actually disappointed in mine. I think I'm just a Yankee, tried and true. Memphis BBQ is seasoned with dry-rub and smoked, resulting in an almost tough texture, whereas BBQ where I'm from means it's dripping with sauce and falling off the bone!

Anyway, the next morning we set off for Greenville, Mississippi, where Marty hails from. When we pulled into the driveway, my sis-in-law Melissa was...what else?...barbequeing!!! Her boyfriend, Keith, had parked his enormous smoker/grill in the driveway and I think they had at least 3-4 animals cooking in there. It smelled amazing and after lots of hugs and belly rubs from the sisters and nieces and nephews, we feasted. I called it "Meat-a-palooza." Then we went to a Good Friday service at the church that Marty and his siblings grew up in, and where Marty's dad was the officiating vicar before his passing last May. The new pastor gave a meaningful and somber message, and we refrained from speaking in the sanctuary. My aunt-in-law Linda sang the "Via Dolo Rosa" and it was very moving. Easter is my favorite holiday and it's so much better when you get the opportunity to observe the entire Passion week.

The next morning started with a big box of Shipley's donuts (quite famous in Greenville) and I can't even describe how good these donuts are...but eat your heart out, Krispy Kreme! Like Melissa says, "You can't eat just 3." :) We sat around the table and ate and drank coffee and just visited. Then we all left to go visit with Aunt Linda for awhile, and when I walked in her house, I noticed about a half-ton of wrapped presents on her fireplace hearth but looked right past it without really seeing it. Melissa said from behind me, with a giggle in her voice, "It's a baby shower!" My response was, quite literally, "Who's having a baby?" I laugh now, but seriously, I didn't say that because I'm dumb or slow (although I'm certainly dumber and slower these days), but honestly, it's because my pregnancy is still very surreal to me at times and I find myself shocked in some moments that I actually get to have this experience!

So after the initial shock wore off, Marty's lovely sisters and aunt got us placed near the gifts and I started opening. Here are a few shots!

This little sleeper says "Daddy's Champ" on it. If you don't know, "Champion" is our son's middle name and his Daddy has taken to calling him "Champ." Marty held the sleeper as if our little guy were already filling it out, and it was such a sweet moment.

We got this set of funny bibs...this one says "Being good is boring!

Finally, this might be my favorite picture. I don't know that Marty has a really strong idea of what a baby activity gym is, but he's so very much enjoying the process of becoming a Daddy. The joy on his face blesses my soul!

In all my life, I've never had a surprise anything -- party, shower, what-have-you. And I was wonderfully surprised, and both Marty and I were just overwhelmed by the generousity of our family. (I'm also overwhelmed by the fact that I can never seem to get any pictures of anybody!!!) Thank you again and again and again, Melissa and Sarah and Linda (and Keith and Nick and Mike and all the kiddos...). We love you guys sooooooo much!

We closed out the weekend with a wonderful Easter breakfast at church, an Easter egg hunt for the kids, and then a beautiful service. It was so hard to leave after all the fun we'd had, but Marty wanted to pace ourselves (in other words, pace ME) on the trip home, so we left for Nashville, where Marty had planned a little evening/day excursion for us at the Opryland Hotel! (If you haven't spent much time in Tennessee, you should know that the Opryland Hotel is like a cruise ship without the water -- it's a massive building with several hotels, restaurants, shopping, entertainment, etc.) We arrived in the evening and got dressed up to go out for a fancy-schmancy meal. Here's me, dolled-up and 27 weeks pregnant:

We knew the prices would be extravagant, but we really wanted to live it up, so we tried our best to ignore the ridiculous numbers attached to the menu items. However, we couldn't ignore that the food was really only just okay, and then it was only too easy to start thinking how we could have spent that money in other ways. Talk about disappointing! When we got back to our room, I started having a really sore throat and wanted to call it a night...which became a very LONG night, as I was up coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose, and basically just miserable because I couldn't breathe, swallow, or rest. In the morning, we ordered a fabulous breakfast tray and that I can say was really pretty good (I had cinnamon waffles with cherries in Grand Marnier syrup with whipped cream...uh, HELLO yummy!). I also got a few good shots out our atrium-facing balcony:

The hotel "exterior" in the Cascades section is done in the New Orleans French style, which of course I loved!

We tried to do some shopping in the hotel, but the bookstore I wanted to visit was mysteriously closed, so we decided our Opryland Hotel stay was a bit cursed. Either that, or we were exhausted from all the traveling and activity (I think it was a bit of both). So we headed home early, and I'm so glad we did, because by the time we got home I was in the throes of one of the worst colds I've ever had! However, small disappointments and one nasty cold notwithstanding, we had a wonderful Easter weekend. Now we're thinking about making the pilgrimage home to Missisisippi every Easter!

under the weather

I have lots of tales and pictures to share from the last week and our trip to Mississippi, but those will have to wait for a couple days.

I am currently sneezing and sniffling and going through Kleenex like crazy. It hurts to talk, swallow, even breathe. My eyes are red and watery from fever and sinus pressure. The worst part is that my OB/GYN's office won't just call me in a prescription. Nooooo -- make the sick pregnant girl get out of her jammies just to come into the office, say "ahh," and be told what she already knows to be true: it's a raging sinus infection and I need an antibiotic. I'm 32 years old and I've had at least a dozen sinus infections in my time; seriously, this is not rocket science, nor anything requiring a doctor's time and my energy (what little I have) to diagnose. Can you tell I'm a little bit bitter? (Especially since I called yesterday and they ignored me until 5 pm last night, and are only just squeezing me in today! Apparently you have to be in labor to get any attention from an OB/GYN's office.)

In the meantime, I'm trying to work and meet a deadline, all the while I'm longing for my pillow and comforter and the bliss of sleep. And Panera's baked potato soup. Hopefully I'll be in a better state and better spirits soon!

More pregnancy information than you can shake a stick at

Pregnancy information about me, that is. I want to start off with a few of my favorite recent interactions with people...

Interaction #1
Random lady at WalMart: *grins at my belly* "When are you due, hon?"
Me: "Oh, not 'til July."
Random lady at WalMart: "JULY???" (Please read as much exaggeration in her tone as you can imagine, and you wouldn't be far off.)

Interaction #2
Dude at church handing me the bulletin: *grins at my belly* "How are you this morning?"
Me: "Oh, pretty good."
Dude at church: "Are you sure you're going to make it through the service?" (Strong implication that he fears imminent labor. I was 25 weeks at the time.)

Interaction #3
Lady I know from church but encountered at Kroger: *grins at my belly* "Wow, you're really coming along there!"
Me: "Yeah, I know, I just really popped out!"
Lady I know from church: "Are you sure you're not having twins???"

I promise you, I invented none of this. In fact, wherever Marty and I go about town, whether we know the people or not, we get comments. All. The. Time. Another example...this past weekend we decided to start stocking up on diapers. We stood in the diaper aisle for quite some time, debating this brand and that brand..."honey, does that one have a slot for the cord?"..."but honey, this one's cheaper"...you can imagine. Anyway, we were actually enjoying getting our feet wet in this tiny area of new parenthood when a lady (who'd been debating paper towels and obviously listening) couldn't help but say aloud, "Gee, you can really tell first-timers!" Her tone was humorous but because from the time I started showing, and I became the target of well-intentioned but rather lame comments, my outward response has always been a smile and a little nod of the head, but inside I can't help but be slightly irritated. Marty always wants me to take it positively, because he sees people who generally just smile at my belly and look at us with an "oh how cute" expression. And I suppose I'd miss some of the comments (ie, attention), but the comments concerning my size...well, I'm just about OVER those.

Anyway, moving on to our Week 26 visit with the good doctors at JC OB/GYN. This time we saw Dr. Pickler, who tends to be my least favorite, but we had a really great visit with her featuring a pretty long Q&A session about labor and delivery. The answers from our session revealed I might need to have a C-section (I need surgical records from a hospital stay from about 5 years ago so they can make that decision). I'm not thrilled with that prospect at all, but from what we were told, a scheduled C-section would be so much preferable and safer, just in case my uterus has been "compromised" by previous finaglings in there (for lack of a better expression!). I would very much like to deliver vaginally, and I was given so much reassurance from Dr. Pickler regarding the practice's general rules for administering episiotomies (only in case baby is in danger, otherwise, patience is the rule!). Big sigh of relief there.

In other news, my BP is excellent at 105/65 and perhaps the greatest news of all, I've only gained 13 pounds my entire pregnancy thus far!!! The average is 16-22 pounds by this point in pregnancy, and I love that I'm staying under the curve. Not that there's anything wrong with gaining the average (or more), but kids, I'm five-foot-two. There's nowhere to hide any extraneous poundage. And who knows, the pounds might pack on yet, so for right now, I'm just going to be very grateful. The shortness of breath is bad enough with the weight I'm already carrying!

My under-the-curve weight has not affected my sweet William, though. The fundus measurement of my belly was 29 cms at 26.5 weeks, which means, good-sized baby who's right on track. There for a minute I got excited, because I know that your gestational weeks and fundus measurement in centimeters should roughly match up, but Dr. Pickler gently burst my bubble by telling me that yes, they generally match up, but with a rule of plus or minus 3 cms either way. Pooh. Will's heartbeat was his usual 148 bpm; I had to giggle because he is so incredibly consistent with his little heartbeat. In fact, I could have guessed 148, because he never wavers out of a range of about 3 bpms!

I also did the glucose test; I had to drink "Hawaiian punch"-flavored glucose, and honestly, it tasted like Hawaiian punch found in a A-bomb shelter from 1962. Nasty, nasty stuff. I had to brush my teeth immediately afterwards to get the taste out of my mouth, but even then, my stomach rebelled and wanted to reject, but I fought it hard. Because if it comes back up, you just have to repeat the darn thing!

Other than these little tidbits from the doctor, not much else is new with me and Will. Except I'm going through a new stage of fatigue, almost reminiscent of early pregnancy. I fall asleep at random times (with a TV blaring and people talking around me!) and tend to need naps in the early afternoon. This might also be due to the fact that my little boy seems to think midnight is the perfect time to wake up and play with Mama. Several nights lately, I've laid in bed begging my son to go night-night so Mommy can get some sleep. It's really hard to be irritated about it, though, because his movements are just so cute -- very intense and purposeful. He's just very wiggly and tumbly -- I think he's bored in there, poor little guy!

Well, I think that's it for now (whew, right?). We're off to Mississippi for a long-ish weekend to see Marty's family. I'm not exactly up for a roadtrip but Marty's made some plans to break up the trip a bit and he's even thrown in something really fun for Monday! I'll share pix of that when we return. Happy Easter, everyone!

Random thoughts and April showers

Marty and I closed out the month of March in the most apt way possible, given the difficulty of the month for us: sick from a virus! March just refused to go out on a whimper. But we are starting April feeling somewhat better...I actually have a clear head today, something I haven't had in a couple days, but apparently not clear enough for a cohesive post, so here are my quite random thoughts today:

• I want rain boots. Galoshes? I don't care what they're called, I just want 'em. I know SteinMart sells really cute ones for pretty cheap, so I think I'll be paying them a visit. Isn't the pair shown above especially darling? How cute would they be with a spring-ish petal pink 3/4-length sweater and your favorite jeans? We had a terrific thunderstorm last night that woke me up with rain pounding against our windows, and it tends to stay pretty wet and misty in the mountains this time of year, so I think I can certainly consider rain boots a "need"??? :)
• Notice my pregnancy ticker? Yeah, I'm down to the double digits. Just 99 days to go. It feels I've arrived at this point rather quickly and too slow, simultaneously. And what a dose of reality -- that's just a tad over 3 months! We are going to start stocking up on diapers this weekend. I've read on another pregnant girl's blog where moms gave diaper recommendations, but I'd certainly welcome those here, too!
• I've seen my baby shower invitation. My sister sent a scan to me as a sneak preview and I burst into joyful, amazed tears. My sisters are awesome and know me so well. And it's just so...William. I love it, love it, love it. Once the invitations have been sent out, I'll post it here.
• Please read this blog post about feeling anxiety in these uncertain times facing our country...it really encouraged me.
• I finally finished the Twilight series of books. (And yes, I stood in line at Wal-Mart at midnight on the 20th/21st when the DVD came out -- boy, was that a hoot. Marty and I felt nearly geriatric compared to most of the other people waiting in that line! And yes, I loved the movie, but yes, I can see where, if you haven't read the books, you might sense gaps in the story/plot/character development. So yes, read the books!) I loved this series, but Stephenie Meyer (the author) really slowed down in the middle of Book 4. Or my interest started to lag...I can't decide which. However, she picked it back up just in time to end the story well! I can't wait for the next movie.
• Once again, I need book recommendations. We're going on a Barnes & Noble date tonight, and I've been perusing the store online, looking for something to catch my interest. I'm definitely wanting something a little more grown-up and intellectual, but it doesn't have to be non-fiction or history, like I normally read after I've read an "indulgence" book (usually chick lit, or in this most recent case, adolescent literature!). Any recommendations?

Well, we're supposed to have April showers nearly all weekend, so I'm definitely thinking of picking up those rain boots, buying a new book, and maybe going to the movies with my hubby. Should be a good weekend, but I'm hoping this is one of the very last in which I'm doing cozy, indoor activities! Sunshine, please come to Tennessee!!!

List-less March

So my faithful readers, all half-dozen(?) of you, know that I do my "List" every month to chit-chat about the latest doings in my brain and in the Conway household. Well, no List has appeared this month and I'm not going to attempt one on this, the last day of the month, either. To put it bluntly, it's been a difficult month.

Marty had an old estate case to close out in Memphis last week, and most of the month was spent on pins and needles waiting to know how certain aspects of this case (mostly cooperation from other people) were going to play out, and how this would affect Marty's presentation to the judge. I helped in any way I could, including Internet research and signing for 8 zillion mailers from the post office guy (who no longer stares at my pretty substantial belly but just smiles instead), but my contribution was just a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the hours and hours and hours of work my husband invested in this case (not to mention the stress, which I think should be measured in pounds per square inch on the human body!). Thankfully, after much prayer on top of all that hard work, Marty made his presentation to the judge and had the most favorable outcome we could have expected and hoped for. We are so relieved to have this obstacle cleared from our path, but it's curious to see how stress takes a toll -- I think we're still recovering from it!

On top of that, we're really starting to consider the most realistic possibilities for our immediate future. We may not find a job for Marty in Indiana in the next few weeks. We may not be able to move to Indiana before Will is born. I may have to give birth here and make an intense, exhausting move when our son is only just a few weeks or months old. As much as we'd like to take a few risks and move right now, with this economy and job market and me going on maternity leave in July, we have to be wise and careful and cautious. I don't take well to careful maneuverings...I never have. I like to take leaps of faith, but it's funny how quickly you become a parent, even when your child isn't born yet. It's not about me anymore, it's about the best situation for our son, and of course that is dependent on what we can realistically provide him with what we have right now, right in front of us, unless and until those things change. I've spent a lot of time this month trying to relinquish control of our lives to God, and that's never an easy process. And even though I'm still working on it, I'm starting to make preparations for Plan B, even though Plan B is just about the last thing I want to do. It's become one of those times in life when the rubber meets the road faith-wise and that's always the best time to stop, take a breath, and just count your blessings. At the end of the day, no matter where I happen to be geographically, if my son is born healthy and I am healthy after delivering him, and Marty and I and Will are together as a family, then that is far and away the greatest blessing in this whole world. Yes, it would be nice to be settled where we're going to be for the long run, have a functioning, tidy home and have the right jobs, and be in a great church, and surrounded by loved ones, and so on and so forth, but these are nice things, not vital things, and my perfectionist self just has to deal with that! Moral of the story? Sometimes gifts don't come with all the accessories. But that's no reason to be ungrateful for the gifts!

In any case, March shall remain List-less and I hope to continue my little tradition next month (and I may even revamp it a bit). Lots of new posts coming soon...April is Autism Awareness Month and I have lots to share on this topic! Stay tuned...and if you remember to, say a little prayer for us and all the decisions that must be made in the coming weeks. We would greatly appreciate it!

Product love, won't you join me?

***Okay, readers, this is a post requiring participation. In fact, I'm going to make this one of those "tag" posts wherein I gently peer-pressure my fellow bloggers into joining my party.

I love getting product recommendations. Heck, I just plain love products. Anything that promises to make my life easier, tastier, cleaner, prettier, more efficient -- sign me up. Here are some of my faves!

*IZZE sparkling juices.

I've tried the peach, clementine, and pomegranate flavors (and the latter is my favorite). Because they are all-natural -- featuring 70% juice and a splash of sparkling water -- you won't find them in the soda aisle, but rather, in the organic foods section of your grocery store (at least it's shelved that way in Kroger). So you won't see them next to diet Cokes, but IZZEs are better than sodas, and I'm quite the connoisseur! I love soda but being pregnant, I don't need the caffeine, sugar, or artificial sweeteners. I can't think of a better alternative and honestly, IZZEs will stay in my pantry long after my baby is born!

*Panera's honey-wheat bread with a spreading of Country Crock and Dickinson's Marion Blackberry preserves.

Speaking of being a connoisseur of something, my mama makes homemade strawberry jam, straight out of her own garden. Yes, many a June morning growing up I'd come downstairs to the kitchen to the smell of gently boiling strawberries in a great big vat on the stove. There is nothing like that smell in the whole world! Thus, I'm an absolute Nazi about strawberry jams and won't eat it unless it's my mama's, but of course, she sets the bar pretty darn high when it comes to fruit jams in general! So it's with absolute confidence in my "refined palette" that I recommend Dickinson's Marion Blackberry preserves! (Oh, and do try Panera's fresh breads...better than ANYthing you can find at the market!)

*Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day liquid hand soap in lavender.

I recently went on a bit of a spree at Drugstore.com (I heart that site) and decided to try this hand soap; I think I've read at least half a dozen bloggers recommending this product. And it did not disappoint! This is the kind of soap that will have you smelling your hands after you've washed and dried them. Now that I know how much I love the hand soap, I think I'll give the other products a whirl -- household cleaners, laundry detergent, etc.

*Old product, new use...Johnson's Baby Lotion!

I feel like I've been using Johnson's baby lotion my entire life (and maybe I have, come to think of it!). I love the soft smell and the great moisturizing you get from this product, and I've also noticed it's a good "layering" product; ie, you can use this lotion right out of the shower, then layer on a fragrance, and the fragrance seems to "stick" better to your skin and because Johnson's is so mild, the fragrance doesn't fight for center stage! My new favorite use for Johnson's is on my burgeoning belly. I tried the famous Belly Butter, but ended up having some kind of weird allergic reaction to it. I've also tried Burt's Bees Mama Bee Butter, which I also like, but my standby, tried-and-true fave has to be Johnson's...and guess what? At nearly 25 weeks, I have ZERO stretch marks. That's right! No marks, no lines, no nothing. Of course, I'm prepared for this to change, but everyone who's had the privilege(?) of seeing my bare belly has commented that it's a very cute one, because it's free of blemish!

Okay, blogging friends, it's that time where I call on you to leave me a good product recommendation. Leave a comment and I will continue to update this blog post with a link to your blog and the product you've recommended. Hopefully, we'll gather together a good list of great products! Vive la products!!! :)

1. Sarah says, Vaseline Intensive Rescue Lotion is great for super dry skin!

2. Kate says, Burt's Bees Pomegranate and Soy Conditioner works for the whole family, and Yoplait's Thick & Creamy Key Lime yogurt is a delish dessert.

Viability! and THE EVIL STORAGE ROOM

I was just about to say that these two title items don't have a thing in common, but upon further reflection, yes they do. They are huge projects in my life (albeit one quite major and one quite minor, in the scheme of things) that are not finished, and in some aspects, feel as though they've just begun.

Today is 24 weeks into my pregnancy, and my little boy is officially "viable." I sort of hate the term, but in doctor-speak, it means my son would receive life-saving medical treatment should he make his way into the world right now...so, I'll gladly use the term! However, just because my William is viable doesn't mean he'd do well outside of my womb; in fact, though "save-able," he'd be at his most vulnerable. And so, it feels in some ways as though my pregnancy has really just begun. We've reached a crucial stage, but the next 4 weeks alone would make a 50% difference in his survivability. Talk about pressure...I know that I know too much about this stuff. But, you get pregnant, you read things! It's so easy for me to want to propel us somehow into the future and skip a couple months, but I know God gives parents 9 months to prepare for their young'uns, and I should take that time without questioning the wisdom of it. Whoever said it was right on: waiting really is the hardest part.

As for the other project, the dreaded EVIL STORAGE ROOM, Marty and I finally made some headway into the clearing and purging and organizing of it today. I said a few weeks ago that we were going to get started, but we ended up devoting that day toward the cleaning and purging and organizing of our office, which was far more necessary and urgent of a task. So even though I'm glad we tabled the EVIL STORAGE ROOM for another day (today as it turned out), I can hardly believe that we've only just started this hateful chore. I would just like to say that when two people come together to form a home, and both of those people have baggage from past marriages (especially when each of us previously owned houses), and both of those people have lived in 4 different places in the past 2 years (respectively!), there's a lot of just plain old stuff hanging around! And even though it feels good to sort and throw away and give away and see that your "keep" pile is teeny-tiny, it's such an exhausting chore and I know we have a few weekends of such choring ahead of us yet, and that's daunting, to say the least.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with me yet? The funny thing is, my attitude is not one of complaint. I'm beyond incredibly thankful that I have a life with my husband, that I've been rescued from bad things and bad times, and that we have such a beautiful future, especially with the coming of our son. I truly have everything I've ever wanted in life, yet there's always this difficulty with achieving contentment, isn't there? "Yes, God, I have a wonderful husband and a baby on the way, but could You just get him here now and organize my stuff for me while You're at it?" I think this is the real challenge in life, especially the peaceful life that I so want to live: to just be thankful for our blessings in whatever form they're currently taking. To not rush through life, and just enjoy the gentle unfolding of each gift!

Charleston pictures II, or why antiquing rocks my world

Okay, so these aren't technically pictures of Charleston, but they are pictures of items I bought in Charleston! And at my favorite antiques store, no less, which I mentioned in this post.

Christa can testify, I kinda went a little geeked when I saw these Wedgwood china Peter Rabbit dishes, made in England, of course! When Marty and I were registering for baby items a couple weeks back, we saw mostly practical dishes and only a few keepsake dishes, all of which I hated (I had seen some beauties in Tiffany's in New York, but who has hundreds of dollars for baby dishes?). I think even little men need some "good china" for their important holidays and "firsts," so you can count on me using these dishes for his first bowl of cereal, his first Thanksgiving, and so on! Hopefully I can use them for all our children and they'll survive my inherent clumsiness.

the set of three: plate, bowl, and mug

the plate, up close (can you read the precious words?)

the bowl, up close

the mug's front

and finally, the mug's back

Not only do I look forward to feeding him cream of wheat and bananas from his dishes, I also can't wait to snuggle my little boy up in a blanket and rock him and read to him from Beatrix Potter's sweet and delightful stories. How precious and innocent and perfect will that be???

Charleston pictures I, or why pregnant women can't defy gravity

Christa: What a cool set of columns, a perfect place to take pictures! Now, how can we get Becky up here?

*shimmying and some unladylike grunting occurs*

Becky: Oh my stars, this will never happen. I can't vault my body in any upwardly direction!

Becky: Oh well, I'll just have to pose where I'm standing. Do you think they'll notice my double-chin, Christa?

22 weeks' doctor's visit

the arm's-length approach to picture-taking; Mama and Daddy in the waiting room.

Last Friday, Marty and I went to my 22 weeks' appointment with my OB/GYN (as it turns out, 1 of the 3 in the practice). This was our first appointment with Dr. Carrillo (Cah-ree-oh), who I loved nearly immediately and then REALLY loved when she shared that during her own pregnancy, even as a doctor, she had questions and wondered if certain things were normal. She reassured me that doubting and worrying is a state of mind shared by all expecting mothers! That was nice to hear, that what I've been experiencing of late is common. I told her about the insomnia resulting from anxiety, and after asking several questions and reviewing my chart again, she told me I'm doing "marvelously" and if I could just sweat it out for another couple weeks to reach the point of viability, then I'd feel a whole lot better. She said, "Make it to 24 weeks, and we'll be able to do all kinds of things to make sure your baby survives." Then I asked her, "Okay, how do I get through the next 2 weeks???" She just smiled and said, "Try distracting yourself in any way you can." Fortunately, I just happened to have a girls' weekend planned in Charleston starting the very next day (more on that to come!), so the timing appears to have been pretty darn good to be told to go distract myself for a bit!

All in all, it was a great doctor's visit. Will's heartbeat was in the high 140's and low 150's, and Dr. Carrillo said that was perfect. The most amazing finding was that I've gained only EIGHT pounds!!! I'm nearly in third trimester and I'm hoping that my weight gain will continue to be minimal (although my sister Sarah tells me that with her boys, she didn't gain much until third trimester and then she really packed it on at the end! Well, this is one circumstance where I DON'T want to follow in her footsteps...) And honestly, I feel like I look larger than an 8-pound weight gain, so the numbers feel kinda arbitrary anyway. I just want to continue to be semi-comfortable and semi-mobile, along with semi-recognizable, and I'll call it good. My blood pressure continues to be completely normal, although they did find something wonky with my thyroid levels, but since I've had thyroid issues nearly all my life, it will only take a wee adjustment in my meds to fix this. So -- a great report! And only 9 days to go until official viability, then I'll breathe a big sigh of relief and buckle my seatbelt for the remaining ride, hopefully until week 40 (or 39...can you hear Mama, William?). :)

Daddy took pictures of "his babies."

Waiting for Dr. Carrillo.

a shortie

I just want to share that my little boy is currently kicking me so hard, he's hitting nerves in my belly and making me jump. And his mama doesn't mind one bit -- although my startle reflex is getting frazzled! I just crack up at this little man with his bursts of energy and enthusiasm, and it makes it so much harder to wait to meet him! I love you, William!!!

Baby Indiana Jones and a good weekend

Whew. That's how I feel right now, like it's time to breathe a deep sigh of relief after days and days of busy-ness and lots of emotions. Mid-week last week, I started dealing with raging insomnia that was further plagued by serious bouts of anxiety, all focused in on the baby and our upcoming move to Indy (and the need for a job for Marty there first!). Let's just say that my nesting instinct came on full-force, and because we desperately hope not to be here in Tennessee when William comes, there's no place set aside here as a nursery for him, and for some reason, this drives me bonkers. I mean, up at 2 a.m. kind-of bonkers! All the worries about getting a job in time and moving were exacerbated by a couple days straight of William not moving very much. I don't know about other pregnant mamas, but my baby's movements are my reassurance that everything's going okay with him, so you can imagine how I feel when those movements become scarce! Anyway, after the second night of holding his inconsolable, weeping wife in the pre-dawn hours, my husband very geniusly suggested that he take me home to Indy for the weekend. And I immediately felt better! That's how in-my-own-head I was last week -- I couldn't even think of a solution like visiting home. I needed someone to think of it for me! So, Friday afternoon, we were off to Indy and despite the 7-hour drive, I was quite energetic upon arrival. My mom and dad and Marty and I, plus my Aunt Janice who happened to be staying over, talked until almost 1 in the morning over pieces of blueberry pie. What a huge change from my recent experiences at that time of the morning!!!

And that began just the loveliest weekend. I got to cuddle with my nieces and nephews and make new memories with them, like my little bruiser Elijah playing dinosaurs with me, but insisting "they not scary" although he made roaring noises over and over. So-FLIPPIN'-cute. And Abby demanding to know where her cousin was, and then lifting up my t-shirt so she could try to peer into my belly to see him! We also got to spend time with Ellen and Katie and Chris, and then we went to Katie and Chris' church on Sunday morning, where I saw lots of old and dear friends (I think Kristen and I were seconds away from bawling upon seeing each other!). The best part was Pastor Josh's sermon, though, which was exactly what I needed. He was preaching from Galatians 5 and talking about the works of the flesh, and when he got to idolatry, he explained that the sin of idolatry is obsessing over anything that we put above God, and loving anything that we put above our love for God and His perfect will for our lives. And man-oh-man, was I ever convicted on that point. I told Marty on the way home, I have been so guilty of wanting my perfect little life (loving husband, healthy baby boy, beautiful home, etc.) above wanting whatever God has intended for me. And that it's so easy to start loving the gifts so much that you forget to love the GIVER of those gifts! And I think it's that very sin of idolatry that has kept me up at nights, because in the end, I know I can't force my will on life and I can't control the outcomes of this pregnancy and William's birth, and that by loving God's will, I can be at peace no matter what happens. VERY hard lesson to learn, especially for one who has always longed for a loving husband and the blessing of a child!

So, I came home relaxed and feeling better about things. Of course, then I had to work until I fried my brain yesterday to finish a project, but today things are smooth-sailing and I'm just so thankful for all my gifts in life. Indeed, the minute I stopped worrying about William so much, he turned into my Indiana Jones baby! I told Marty that yesterday he was moving around so much, it actually felt like he was spelunking his little cave-womb and mapping it out, trying to find the exit (which won't appear until July, young man!). I could just imagine my little explorer wearing an Indiana Jones hat while he curiously felt around his environment. He was moving so much in so many new ways, it was cracking me up! He has also started to respond to specific stimuli, namely his daddy's voice and laughter, songs with a discernible beat to them, and even sermons (he kicks me every time I'm sitting in church!). He also responds to mealtime, especially dinner. So far, I think I have a sociable, musical, theological kid who loves good food, which in all truth, is a carbon copy of his daddy!!! I just love it.

Floating on gratitude today!

Hooray for Hollywood!

I've always had a thing for the movies. For my 6th birthday party, my family went to see a re-showing of "Return of the Jedi" at the old Artcraft Theatre in Franklin, Indiana (Hoosiers will know what I'm talking about!). I remember being quite little and watching Christopher Reeve in "Superman" and, quite simply, falling in love, as did my sister Katie (remember humming the theme songs in bed at night?). My parents used to take us to drive-in movies on Saturday nights in the summer, and we'd play on the swingset, in pajamas and with pink rollers in our hair(!), beneath the big screen until it got dark and the little animated hot dogs and soft drinks started dancing. One time, we saw Disney's "Swiss Family Robinson" and I was scared of the giant snake, but it didn't dampen the thrill of watching the movie. My love of the movies continued into adulthood, when I seized the opportunity to take a film class in college. I did an essay/presentation on "the new role of women as warriors" in film, using "Aliens" and "Terminator 2" as my main sources. I had the greatest time doing that project and gleefully got an A+ on it, too. So you can imagine how much I love, and have always loved (since my mom let me watch it) the Academy Awards. I was just explaining to my hubby last night that my love of film segues very easily into my fascination for actors and actresses. "Hi, my name is Becky and I follow celebrities." It's true. I read People and Us Weekly. I watch E! sometimes. And I've even had Oscar parties. You see, the Oscars are my version of the SuperBowl. I used to tape up golden yellow streamers and make tons of party food for a buffet. I handed out ballots and gave out prizes. I even had a red carpet event (consisting of taking each person's picture as they came in the door). Oh I miss those days! Indeed, my love for the Oscars runs deep.

And in years past, so has my disappointment. I used to cringe at the bawdy jokes during the opener and sexual innuendo laced throughout (nobody wants to watch that kind of thing with her dad in the room!). But not last night! Please, Academy, can we always have Hugh Jackman as host? How fabulous was he??? Charming and handsome, his every line was funny (and non-offensive!!!) and his singing ("...I'm Wolverine!") and dancing impeccable. As Marty said, what a classy gentleman, and what a classy show, with the big-band orchestra and the 1920's/30's decorative overtones. Oooh, I never enjoyed an Oscars show quite like the one we had last night! I'm on such a high from it that I couldn't resist a few shout-outs to some of the best and worst:

1. Anne Hathaway, we are long-lost BFFs. (Did anyone else watch the Barbara Walter's pre-show special?) When you got teary-eyed during Shirley McLaine's tribute to your nominated performance, I got teary-eyed with you. Haven't seen "Rachel Getting Married" yet but I did catch your other bride movie with Kate Hudson -- so cute! Let's go shopping. Smooches!
2. Angelina Jolie, how flippin' gorgeous are you, and how utterly typical of you to eschew the normal diamond ropes and go for big, fat emeralds? Loved "Changeling" by the way. Deeply disturbing but oh-so-good.
3. Steve Martin and Tina Fey: please work together. You cracked me up.
4. Ben Stiller, I want you to know that I laughed until I cried and almost spewed my diet Coke.
5. Tim Gunn, can we hang out? We thought you did the best job of all the red carpet interviewers, because you didn't act all fake-chummy. And who doesn't respect your opinions on fashion? I remember when I was tempted to stalk you...
6. "Slumdog Millionaire," please go away. I hate when movies sweep, it's so boring! I mean, the little Indian kids were adorable and I'm sure it's a great movie and all, but it was just...overload.
7. For your information, Sean Penn, I won't be ashamed if the sanctity of the marital relationship continues to be preserved according to its definition, even up to the time when my grandchildren are around. I respect your right to have an opinion, but don't tell me I should be ashamed of myself for having my opinion. Just exactly who are YOU???
8. Bill Mahr, please know that you offended 75% of the world's population, who worship a God in some form. Just because you're a raging atheist doesn't mean other people care.
9. Kid who plays Edward in the "Twilight" movie that I've yet to see...um, you had me at hello.
10. Meryl Streep, you are a Hollywood goddess, as Kate Winslet says. Just enjoy it!
11. Kate Winslet, you might be Meryl's successor at the rate you're going. You're so delightfully British and wonderfully talented. I heart you!
12. Mickey Rourke and for that matter, Robert Downey, Jr.: thank you both for realizing you were worth redemption and a career in the movies. Thank God for second chances.
13. Ryan Seacrest, please go away. Just...go away. Your face is everywhere and you haven't an ounce of sincerity to your name.
14. The Academy: thank you for doing what you did for Heath Ledger's family. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, nor in my living room. I hope they were given a measure of comfort from knowing their son was and is so appreciated.
15. Finally, Hugh Jackman, please come back next year!

Halfway Day and the February list

Tomorrow is my official Halfway Day. It should be a recognized holiday in the life of every pregnant woman! I'm so excited to be officially 20 weeks, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the remaining 50% of this pregnancy. It seems like AGES ago that we found out we are pregnant -- it was November 6th and we were still trying to grasp that Obama was the new president. Needless to say, the baby news took the edge off that particular disappointment! (No offense to my Democrat friends; you know I love you! But doesn't the stimulus package worry you just a wee bit...?) Anyway, I would love advice on how to stay focused on the finish line and not get bogged down by the ticking of the clock. Mamas out there...how did you do it? Does getting busy planning the nursery and going to baby showers help? Or did you find distraction in other things? Or does the time just finally and eventually pass, like waiting for Christmas? I find that it's almost too difficult to imagine William's birth, or those first precious days as Marty and I and Will become a family, or the moment when my mom gets to hold him, or the looks in my sister's eyes (who are so geeked-excited for me), or when I introduce Will to my niece Abby (who asked her mama, "what's a cousin?")...all of these images make me so antsy I practically dance mentally, and not in a good way!

So, on to bloggy business, my monthly "List":

• What I'm reading: Eclipse, the third in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I've simply consumed these books, and will need to pick up the fourth this weekend, since I only have a few pages left. Someone tell me what to read after I'm finished!
• What we're spending on: Nada. We're in full-tilt savings mode. Not only do we have a big move coming up with all the associated expenses, we also have some new furniture we're planning on purchasing, plus all the untold numbers of baby items we'll need to buy.
• What we're saving for: See above.
• What I need to do: Pray heartily for a good job opportunity/offer for Marty in Indiana. Walk more and work those muscles I'll need in July! Get my bill-paying system set up more efficiently (I'm basically trying to achieve a "click-and-go" system through our banks so I can still take care of finances when in new baby overload).
• What I'm thinking about: Understanding my parents more. I guess you could say I was somewhat overprotected as a child, but now that I have little William inside me, holy cow, do I ever understand their decisions better. We're already talking about a private Christian academy in Greenwood where we'd like to send Will, at least for kindergarten and elementary school. There's just so much politically correct societal propaganda in public school education, and we want to raise our child our own way and teach him about certain things in life when we think he's mature enough for it.
• What I'm working on: This weekend is it. It's time. I'm going to tackle, once and for all, the EVIL STORAGE ROOM*.
• What I'm happy about: My life. Even though I'm antsy for the future, I've never been so content in my present. God has truly, deeply, and abundantly blessed me.

*once upon a time, this girl got married and started a life with her new husband accompanied only by a few clothes and personal belongings. After a couple months, the newlyweds rented a truck and loaded up a garage-full of this girl's 30 years of accumulated possessions and drove it to their home in Tennessee. They unloaded about 3 million boxes and about half of them were stowed in the couple's basement storage room. This girl wanted to take a break from all the shuffling about of things, so she waited a few weeks to get started on this massive project. And she waited too long. This girl got pregnant and immediately entered a period of illness and fatigue that prevented even the most basic tasks from getting accomplished. Then the holidays came and went...and suddenly it's been a few months and there those darn boxes sit, taunting her. And she's tired of being taunted. So she's going in. Her husband is going to attach a rope to her (burgeoning) belly so she is not lost in the madness. You might want to say prayers.

William's nursery

I know it probably seems a bit premature to be planning these things, especially considering that I have 5 months to go (I can barely tolerate that thought), but now that I know who my little William is (the love grows exponentially when the baby finally has an identity!!!), I can't wait to get started on collecting all the things he'll need in his babyhood!

We couldn't resist. We registered at Target the other night. We searched the Internet for a couple hours on Monday, figuring out what our mutual taste would be for our son's room decor (we are both opinionated people, so it took us a couple hours!). We finally decided on this jungle animals theme. Note: I'm not the most theme-y girl in the world decor-wise, but I loved the smiling faces on these animals and could just imagine making a little lion roar playfully at Will and getting him to giggle...needless to say, after that image, I was sold! We're still debating whether to paint the walls a sunny yellow or a leafy jungle green color...although I think we're leaning toward sunny yellow. Marty loves the khaki and chocolate brown colors especially, while I love the fun oranges and yellows and the accents of blue and green. It's masculine without being in-your-face BLUE!

So anyway, we registered for this set called Tiddliwinks Jungle Friends. It's so cute and affordable, and as I'm told by knowing friends, it better be affordable because it would make me ill to subject expensive bedding to the repeated washings I'm told I'll have to do, especially with a wee boy! It was incredible fun to watch my husband coo (forgive me, honey) over baby socks. He even stole the scanner for a bit to zap some items of his choosing, including a pair of high-top infant tennishoes with lions embroidered on them.

I do need help on something, though...aforementioned knowing friends have told me not to use the quilt that comes with the set for actually bedding down the baby in his crib, but to use it for tummy time or decoration purposes. I'm thinking I'd like to do the latter, but I need to find one of those quilt hangers, and more specifically, one that's designed for the size of a baby quilt. Does anyone know where I can find such a thing? I would also welcome any other suggestions on how to accent William's nursery without buying every little item in the crib set (for example, I don't need the hamper in the set, nor the wall hangings necessarily). I'd like to do something decorative with William's name or monogram, and maybe also something literary (Jungle Book?). Like I said, I'd love suggestions!

Announcing...

Hello everyone!

My mommy and daddy are ecstatic to announce that I'm a BOY!!!

Yes, I sure fooled my mommy. She was so shocked to hear the news and see the visual proof that she told Daddy, "the universe just shifted!" She was really expecting me to be a girl, but Mommy has already told me a dozen times today that she's so proud of her little man and couldn't be happier about my coming arrival into the world. (By the way, Mommy has a picture of the proof but can't seem to bring herself to post pictures of my privates on the Internet, so y'all will just have to believe us!)

Just wanted to let you all know what keeps me busy during the day. Yes, I've begun kicking my mommy in earnest now and sometimes she even feels me do my barrel-rolls!

I also like to suck my thumb...

...and ponder on the meaning of life...

...when I'm not practicing my football kick!

Oh, silly me! I forgot to introduce myself! My name is...

~William Champion Conway~

Mommy and Daddy are going to call me "Will" when Daddy is not calling me "Champ." William is one of mommy's favorite names of all time -- very British, she says -- and Champion is my great-grandma's maiden name. My daddy dearly loved his Grandma Lucic and wants to honor her in this way.

One other thing; my daddy took this picture of my mommy this morning before they went to the doctor's office and I rocked their world! See how big I'm getting in there?

As soon as Mommy is off work today, she and Daddy are going to go shopping for me. They've waited this long and Mommy says she just can't wait anymore!

p.s. My Mommy profusely apologizes for referring to me as "she" before now. She'll amend this.

On behalf of Cupid...

In the 21st century, Cupid has decided to rely on more efficient means of matching lovers...

I don't know if I have any readers who are single, but I couldn't resist a plug for eHarmony. The site is hosting a free weekend in honor of Valentine's Day, and this special is going to run from Friday (today) to Monday. If you're looking for Mr. (or Miss) Right and you've never tried it, just make a quick visit and look around -- read some of the stories!

Not only did it work for me and my Marty, but also Marty's best friend Preston and his new wife, Misty. eHarmony matched them in the fall, and they eloped on New Year's Eve -- how romantic!

I love you Marty, my forever Valentine!

Quickening

You know how they say a watched pot never boils? Apparently the key to finally getting to feel your baby kick is to become totally engrossed in something else and forget all about even being pregnant for awhile! Which is just what happened a little while ago. My work today is quite mentally taxing, so I was layers and layers deep into it when all of a sudden, I felt an unmistakeable kick. I've felt little flutterings before, but nothing I could say with certainty was the baby moving or kicking. But this...this was without a doubt the baby kicking me, because just about a minute later, he kicked me again! I think he got uncomfortable and was just rearranging, but his moment of discomfort was my moment of pure joy!!!

Thank you, my sweet baby, for kicking your mama after repeated pleadings to do so. Mommy will remember this act of obedience, that's one free get-out-of-jail card for you!

Happiness

Happiness is, in no particular order,

1. Getting to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday. We've seen the heart beating on ultrasound 3 times now, but no audio. During our visit yesterday, the doctor whipped out the regular ole doppler and found Baby's heart beating right away. She tried to stimulate the baby to move a bit but my child refused to budge. I couldn't help but laugh -- this little person is so much like his mother. When we're napping, please leave us alone! But what a reassuring, sweet musical sound: whoosh-whoosh-whoosh. It almost sounded to me like the steady beat of a dog panting! I'm just weird, probably. Biggest news of all: we're tentatively scheduled for the big gender-discovery ultrasound on President's Day, February 16th! We specifically asked for that day because Marty, as a government employee, gets that day off (don't get me started on all the government holidays, so jealous!). Therefore, I'm going to post a poll -- please vote on whether you think it's a boy or a girl!
2. The fact that this little girl went home from the hospital yesterday. Just about 3 weeks ago, I asked everyone to join me in praying for Harper and her family. At that point it was unclear if she would survive. Today this darling little girl is at home, sleeping in her own crib, healed from pneumonia. God is good. He is so very good. I feel privileged to have joined with hundreds of others praying for this very outcome!
3. Getting to sleep here last night:Yes, our mattresses finally came (after a snow delay, curses on you snow!) and we finally moved into the bedroom where our bed frame has been sitting, quite lonely, for several months. Excuse the wrinkly appearance of the duvet, I should have steamed it but oh that's right, I'm fresh out of steamers (and there's no way I'm ironing a king-size duvet). I used to work in an upscale department store and I got addicted to those upright, hand-held steamers. It's now going on the "to buy" list!
4. Reading this book:Yes, you heard me right. Judge me all you want, this book was ridiculously good. I enjoyed nearly everything about it. I jumped on the Twilight wagon quite late (nope, didn't see the movie), but I'm now a huge fan. I would never have thought I'd be interested in a vampire love story, but that's how engaging this book really is. I'm jealous of the author, her writing is so seemingly effortless! Marty and I have a Barnes and Noble date tonight to pick up the sequel, and maybe the next one, too! Did I mention I just bought this book on Monday? Couldn't put it down!
5. The fact that it's Friday. I love weekends with my hubby. We're going to see our dear friends Mike and Jen and their babies on Saturday night, and I love hanging out with them. Other than that, it will be a quiet weekend of bliss inside our marital bubble! Have a fabulous weekend everyone (and stop by your local bookstore to pick up Twilight!).

thoughts on parenting

As my belly gets bigger and the countdown tally of days gets smaller, my thoughts are turning more and more often to parenting. Probably a good thing, right? I find that I'm very interested in how others choose to parent their children, but I also find myself feeling more and more critical of the choices that some people make for their children (observations from blogs, TV, real-life, etc.). My critical thoughts are seeming to boil down to one issue: how much control parents exert on their children.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about discipline here -- Marty and I already have pretty solid ideas on discipline and those are basically a merging of how he and I were disciplined as children by our parents. For example, my parents chose different methods of discipline for each child; spankings didn't really work on me, but sticking me in a corner for 10 minutes of absolute silence was pure torture for me and the lesson came through loud and clear each time I was disciplined this way. But I digress. What I'm talking about it is more along the line of personal, private time and the ability to make personal, private choices. For example, my sisters and I were taken to the library about once a week or every other week, but my parents never screened or censored the books we checked out. They let us explore our own interests and didn't obsess over illustrations, word choice, content, etc. Of course, an attempt to check out a dirty novel would have been immediately halted, but that never happened and that's not really my point here. I guess it just irks me deep inside knowing that some parents feel the need to screen and censor every little image or sound or word or thought or feeling that occurs in their children! Not to mention the need that I see some parents displaying to control every moment of their children's lives. Some of my most cherished time as a teenager was spent in my own room in privacy, listening to music I chose, reading books I chose, talking on the phone with friends I chose, and dreaming dreams that were all my own. This is where a person finds her own identity! I see the job of parents to guide their children toward good and beautiful things. I remember being encouraged to go read a book under a tree in the summer. I remember books being read to us; my mom read us Little Women after dinner and my dad read me Cinderella before bed (he does a great Fairy Godmother voice, by the way..."bippity-boppity-boo!"). Plus all those library trips! So is it any wonder that I and my sisters grew up to be voracious readers? But here's the real beauty of it...my sister Sarah reads science fiction (Michael Crichton) and disaster books (Isaac's Storm and The Sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald). My sister Katie devours history books (biographies of presidents, the Civil War) and can't get enough of art and art history books. Of course, I read lots of fiction and anything I can get my hands on relating to British history. Sarah has a degree in Biology, Katie in Art History, and I have my degree in English. We are such different people with very different interests, but I have to thank my parents again and again for letting us choose who we wanted to be, not some cookie-cutter version of themselves or what they thought the model child should look like.

I should also make it clear that my parents were very discerning about what children they let me play with, but they were also very generous once they made those decisions. I went to countless slumber parties as a child and had many of my own. I was also not allowed to date until I was 17, but my parents didn't balk (although my dad might have had a small heart attack) when I brought home the boy with an earring and a definite smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes. (I made increasingly better and better choices from then on...)

I guess my point is this, I think parents should provide all kinds of direction and guidance, but at the end of the day, let their children be who they are. Let them make their own choices, even if those choices are mistakes. Supervise, but don't control! If my life is any indication, this method has the best results. My sisters and I are extremely close to our parents and we all thoroughly enjoy the adult friendships that we now share with them.

Of course, I wonder how I'll feel when I have my own child? I already think I might not let her out the door for kindergarten... :)

trying to focus

A coworker wrote me this morning and said, "Today just feels like a Monday. Blah." I wrote her back and said, "It's a Monday in January no less. Double-blah." The sky is gray and the landscape is bleak. I feel just as gray and bleak inside! I simply hate this time of year. My precious Dr. Records in Indiana diagnosed me many moons ago as having a moderate case of seasonal anxiety disorder and gave me some tips for dealing, but honestly, the only cure for SAD is straight-up sunshine. And there's precious little of it in east Tennessee right now. Sigh.

So I'm trying to focus on other things, at least for this moment in time. First of all, while my Marty and I were doing serious damage at Wal-Mart on Saturday, we passed the refrigerator of flowers and he just insisted on buying me a dozen pink-and-white tulips. God bless this man, for he knows me well. They have opened so prettily, and they are certainly cheering me today:

When I look at them, I ponder that only the marvelous Creator of the universe could have concocted that shade of green. It just breathes life into your eyes, doesn't it?

I'm also dreaming about the decorating I'm going to do in our apartment in Indiana when we get there...our master has a sink/vanity area in the bedroom, in addition to the sink/vanity in the bathroom. Guess who gets the former vanity??? And you better believe I'm going to girl-ify it and French-ify it within an inch of its life. Okay, that expression makes no sense in that context, but you get my drift. Anyway, we're doing our master bed and bath in shades of soft blue, ivory, sunshine yellow, and chocolate brown. In digging through items in the evil storage room, I found a couple of things that I'm ecstatic about using!

The little sign was given to me a few years ago by my BF, Kate. God bless her, for she knows me well. Little did she know how handy it would be a few years down the road! The jar I found a few months ago at TJ Maxx (my marked-down retail lover) for I think 7-8 dollars, and it had to be mine, of course, since it so merrily sports a fleur-de-lis.

In light of the mental nesting going on, I plucked this from my bookshelf for another flip-through:

Sadly, I can't remember for the life of me if Kate or Kristen gave this to me. Either one of you want to claim the gifting of it? In any case, I love this book. It's fun and full of good tips, as well as great quotes, and I can't resist posting some here:

"Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart." ~Coco Chanel

"Although I look like a drag queen's Christmas tree on the outside, I am at heart a simple country woman." ~Dolly Parton

"I'm obsessed with having the perfect linens. I sleep a lot. My bed's like a big hug." ~Reese Witherspoon

"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck." ~Emma Goldman

Aren't those great? Especially Reese's quote. Yes, we'd be BFFs if only she knew I existed. A woman who declares her love for sleep with such passion could only be a true kindred spirit of mine.

Before I go (and because I'm hungry and craving Spaghettio's -- I know, I know, YUCK -- but this baby hearts them so being the good mama I am, I shall appease her), I wanted to leave y'all with an amazing recipe that I tried last night and both of us loved, and it was ridiculously easy. So far, so good on keeping to meal planning and prep this week, yay for me!

Lasagna Toss

1 pound lean ground beef
2 green peppers, chopped
1 tsp. minced garlic*
1 jar spaghetti sauce**
1/4 cup Italian dressing
12 lasagna noodles, broken into quarters***
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese****
2 cups water

Saute green peppers in a bit of olive oil for 2-4 minutes; add ground beef and brown. Add garlic, spaghetti sauce, water, and dressing; bring to boil. Stir in noodles; reduce heat to medium-low and cover. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese; let stand 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.

*I used only a sprinkle or two of garlic salt because I was out of garlic, but the flavor was great as-is, so I don't know how much garlic I'd use. I guess it depends on how much you like garlic flavor.
**Please give Bertolli marinara with Burgundy wine a try. It's the best jar sauce I've ever had.
***Some of my lasagna noodles cracked into smaller pieces than this, but that's okay. It was good to have some bite-sized pieces and some pieces that required a cut.
****We used half a block of mozzarella cheese, I think it was 8 ounces! My husband really loves cheese, and it was so yummy with the extra. I guess use the recipe as a minimum, but add liberally as you wish!

One final note, I would love to hear what my readers like to focus on when the weather is so blah and there seems to be nothing to look forward to...

the (very late) January list

What I'm reading: The Life of Elizabeth I, by Alison Weir.
It's honestly a page-turner, which I know can be hard to believe, because it's a history book! But my-oh-my, what fascinating people in such fascinating times. Elizabeth I is truly my hero. And okay, I'll admit this much, if my baby is a girlie, that's going to be her middle name. Already daddy-approved. :)

What we're spending on: More maternity clothes. And I'll be darned if I don't do it as cheaply as possible, thanks Old Navy! I really need more things than I'd counted on, even things like pajama pants/loungewear. My pre-pregnancy pajama pants still fit, per se, but they like to roll and slide down my belly and I end up walking around with an exposed abdomen. In the middle of January. Not exactly pleasant! So I need items with a little more structure and support; things that will stay put. I really can't wait for warm weather when a t-shirt and some maternity capris and some comfy sandals will suffice every day!

What we're saving for: Not mattresses anymore, Woo-Hoo!!! We're not saving for anything in particular right now, yet lots of things in theory. That made little sense. Basically, we're going to be replacing some furniture (and upgrading to a plasma TV, for my husband's sake) when we make the big move to Indiana. I have a list of things we'll need to buy, but there's really no particular order on it right now. We just want the savings account to grow big and fat and be rarin' to go when we become Hoosiers again!

What I need to do: Still working on going through items in the evil storage room. In my defense, I've made a dent. Not a big dent, but a dent nonetheless. Sometimes, in impatient and impractical moments, I feel tempted to light a match... But no, even clothes that I don't want or don't fit anymore can go to Goodwill or be given to friends or even sold, if I feel up to that chore. If you're a petite medium and wouldn't mind a box of clothes to at least browse through before you pitch 'em, let me know!

What I'm thinking about: Is it a boy or a girl? I'm just dying to know. And I promise I'll share as soon we know! I've pretty much fallen in love with some baby bedding from Pottery Barn (I would get it in both colors and do a French country/shabby chic-type decor), so if it's a boy, I'll have to probably fall out of love with it (because you know it'll be discontinued by the time I actually have a girl) and start thinking in shades of blue.

What I'm working on: Meal-planning and appropriate grocery-shopping. I had a hit week last week but this week's been a bit of a miss. I've decided I actually need some new cookbooks (simple recipes, easy dinners, Crock-pot meals, that kind of thing), so if anyone has a great suggestion, I would welcome any recommendation!

What I'm happy about: My new toy. I'd mentioned in the post about my birthday that I knew my hubby was going to get me something really cool, and oh, he didn't fail me! He bought me an iPod Touch!I don't think I've stopped playing with her since she came into my life. With Internet access, iTunes, and all kinds of applications like Sudoku and crosswords, a person could never get bored with her. Thanks again, my Marty, for being the world's best gift-giver (and I know this is rare in husbands, so I'm very grateful!).

One other note before I go...Please notice the updated blogroll in the right column. My "blog attention" can be somewhat fickle, but these blogs have stood the test of time with me and I keep going back to them. And there's a new one on there...check out my new friend, the Shabby Princess!

My blog friend Sarah gave me this award! (Thank you, Sarah!) Here are the rules:

*Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
* Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
* List at least 10 honest things about yourself. (Sarah only did 7, so I'm only going to do 7 because believe it or not, it's hard to write random things about yourself!)

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1. I love to cook things in the Crock-pot. Right now I'm making Slow Cooker Corn Chowder (link will take you to the recipe on AllRecipes.com). In fact, I love AllRecipes.com. My best friend Kate got me onto it and it's completely addictive. My favorite feature is the ingredient search, where you can plug in a few ingredients you have on hand and feel like making a meal out of, and the search engine does its magic and offers you a selection of recipes to try! Anyway, back to my love of the Crock-pot...1) I love that your meal-in-the-making also makes your house smell so warm and inviting, 2) I love that you can do the dishes after the prep work and the kitchen is already clean by the time dinner is served, and 3) I love that cooking in the Crock-pot is almost fool-proof -- it's pretty hard to mess up a slow-cooker recipe.

2. I hate to clean toilets. I realize most people share in this hatred, but mine is to the level of detestation. The worst part is the snakey-coiled-undercarriage of the darn thing; it collects dust (and other things) and you have to bend your body in ungodly ways to run a sponge over it. I don't mind bathtubs and sinks, but if you're going to do a really good job, you're going to get really soaked in the process. Which limits when you can do it. I would love to have a maid just for cleaning bathrooms. In fact, Marty has said that as long as I'm a working mom (which I plan to be until baby #2 comes along), that he's entirely supportive of me spending some money on this. Actually, in another life, I did pay for housecleaning a few times...and it was awesome. I'd feel a little guilty indulging just now, since I work from home, but once I have a baby and I'm being a full-time stay-at-home mom in addition to being a full-time stay-at-home medical editor, I'll let myself off the hook of being a full-time stay-at-home housekeeper!

3. I'm still having a hard time believing I'm pregnant and that everything is going well. When you've waited and dreamed and hoped for as long as I have, I'm sure this is a normal reaction. Without the nausea and fatigue, sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant and then the realization comes back to me, and my inner response is always something like, "Really???" I couldn't even look at the monitor during the first ultrasound because I was so convinced something would be wrong, until my doctor and my husband started carrying on a conversation about the beating heart! I can't help but feel incredulous and astounded. And I sure hope it goes away sometime soon, for the reality keeps getting bigger every day and will be here before I know it!

4. I love fresh flowers. In that past life I mentioned earlier, I had space carved out in my budget for fresh flowers every week. Every Friday afternoon I'd stop at McNamara florist on my way home, bop into the refrigerator room, and pick up some purple tulips or two-toned roses or something fun and cheerful to enjoy for the whole weekend. Nothing makes a room feel more pleasant or complete than a vase full of blooming flowers. I need to re-adopt my habit of weekly fresh flowers! (Can you tell I have expensive taste?)

5. I have crazy hair. Some people like to call it "naturally wavy" but I call it "naturally confused." Honestly, it can't decide if it wants to go straight or curly, so it does this in-between nonsense that is wretched to look at (and even worse to wear). I never let my hair air-dry and I never leave the house until it's been curled or straightened -- it needs to be encouraged along one line or the other!

6. I am really coming to appreciate delayed gratification. If you've followed my blog for the last few months, you know that Marty and I have been saving for some king-size mattresses for quite a while. Well, it took (seemingly) forever, but we saved long enough and hard enough that we actually had a surplus when we went furniture-shopping, enough to buy the mattresses and the two nightstands in our bedroom set! When the sales guy asked us how we'd like to pay, it was enormously satisfying to say "Cash." It would have been so easy to swipe a card, but it's going to be much easier on us in the long-run when we continue to make our way in the world credit card-free. (Of course, we have credit cards and always will, but they are allocated for emergencies and such things, not for day-to-day purchasing or financing large items!) It's so tough sometimes to stick to a rule, but discipline is really a beautiful thing.

7. Very random items: I hate regular M&Ms but I love peanut M&Ms. Especially by the bowlful and with a big glass of milk. I love chapstick; Burt's Bees is my favorite. I love the smell of eucalyptus, especially when it's fresh. Let's see...when I feel overwhelmed, I make lists. It's instant sanity on a piece of paper! I still haven't ordered the large prints and frames of my wedding pictures, and we've been married for 6 months! (In my defense, I've been pregnant almost 4 of those months...) I have to fold laundry directly from the dryer, ie, hot and wrinkle-less. If clothes have sat in the basket and are cold, I'll stick 'em back in the dryer for reheating before drying. If they've sat LONG enough, I'll re-wash them! I'm weird like that. Well, that's all I can think of for now!

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The bloggers I'd like to honor are (although I doubt some of them will participate because they are busy, busy mommies!): Elisabeth, Kate, Ashley (mama-to-be!), Aimee, Emily (brand-new mom!), Lauren, and Liz (mama to a crazy couch-eating dog).

as promised...

15 weeks, 1 day pregnant

Sorry the lighting is not great, but I remembered to do this at night-time and I hate garish overhead lighting. Anyhoo. The next will be taken by the light of day! I've decided that I don't want to know if I'm showing/popped out too much for 15 weeks...I've been lectured by quite a few people who've told me this is my pregnancy and unique to me and to quit comparing already! Good advice that I intend to follow. And now that I actually see myself in this way, I've realized I seem to be carrying high. Oooh, what does this mean? For some reason, I love old wives' tales. If you are an old wife and you tell tales, do please share.

Please pray

I have a "blog-friend" in Arkansas named Kelly. We've emailed a couple of times but mostly I feel like I know her well from reading her blog. She is truly a shining spirit and a sweet soul; her happiness and joy bless me often. Kelly and her husband Scott prayed for a baby for a couple of years, and their joy became complete tonight when their baby girl, Harper, was born. Then every new mama's worst nightmare came true: Harper had trouble breathing and it was determined that she has severe pneumonia. This sweet baby is now being transported via helicopter to a children's hospital where she will soon undergo a surgery to save her life.

I can't even begin to express how this distresses me. And I don't think it's just because I'm pregnant and I can only begin to imagine what Kelly is going through. It's more than that -- it's the horror of a small child struggling for life. It's the horror of a child literally being flown away from her mother's eager and empty arms. It's just plain horrible. This is one of those times when faith takes the driver's seat. You either believe that God is good and sovereign -- no matter what, or you abandon that belief. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest. It's hard to believe when you hear a story like that, but believe I will and believe I must. It is my heart's prayer that sweet Harper be restored to health, and that she be restored to her mama and daddy's loving arms. If you can, please join me in this prayer.

pregnant ramblings

So tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant. I maintain this is one of the hardest stages in pregnancy...I'm out of the evil first trimester when fatigue and nausea ruled my life (I really don't remember very many specific days, it's all kind of a blur!) and I'm coasting through the second trimester, which is a good thing, but it has its drawbacks. I've commented to several people that, at least during the first trimester, you have daily, if not moment-to-moment, reminders that you're pregnant and definitely growing a baby. Once you've hit second trimester and all the nastiness fades away, though, you begin eagerly awaiting all the kicking that will be your comfort and joy (and reassurance) until the end. However, even though I've seen the baby kicking on ultrasound (more on that in a minute), I have yet to feel it. Okay, I've had a few sensations but I can't convince my mind that it was the baby! Anyway, it feels like the limbo stage of pregnancy, and well, I don't like it. I like reassurance. I'm a sucker for reassurance, especially when it comes to this much-desired child.

Speaking of which, I did indeed get an ultrasound on my birthday. It was not scheduled, but let's just say my doctor was amenable to, uh, circumventing the strict schedule, especially after he heard it was my birthday! Oh yes, I used all my ammunition to get that ultrasound, and thank goodness I have the world's most pleasant and jovial OB/GYN, who thinks I'm just a hoot! Another point of gratitude was that this ultrasound was performed on top of my belly and not the other kind -- I was really OVER those. Anyway, so I got smeared with the goo and the doc hit the lights and my baby became star of the show once more. And once again, we were just awestruck at this beautiful child of ours...we saw her (for the sake of convenience, and also beause I have a feeling, I'm using "her") perfectly shaped head, spinal cord, even toes. I was blown away by those baby toes. I had an overpowering urge to somehow get to those toes and start smooching on them! We watched her wiggle around and I saw definite signs of "leave me alone, I was napping" from her! She had her little legs crossed at the ankles in a reclining position (a family trait!) and after continued pressure from the ultrasound wand, she kicked off and squirmed away, trying to nestle down and go night-night again. Oh, soooooooo like her mother. Anyway, I so deeply wish I could share a picture, but the ones that came out, well, they didn't really come out. My doctor said, "some women just don't transmit ultrasound waves very well, and seems you're one of them." Great. He did tell me that our 20-week ultrasound when we find out the sex (and OF COURSE we are) will be performed at another location, and that the machines are a lot more high-tech and will get me a great picture, regardless. Whew. At least we saw her clear as day on the monitor! I'm trying to make the memories last until the end of February, but like I said, without any kicking and squirming that I can feel, it's a bit tough.

As far as other pregnancy things go...we've picked out names. And they're set in stone. I'm still debating sharing them here, even though we don't mind sharing and our families have been told. I guess I'm just wary of the oddball bit of criticism, because I honestly love these names and love their significance to us. I've also started looking at baby bedding and nursery items, and saw on another girl's blog a suggestion to visit Serena and Lily. Um, gorgeous bedding, but totally un-gorgeous prices. I have definite ideas for a girl's nursery, which will be in raspberry and a fresh green color (it's impossible to explain the green; it's not apple, lime, or sage...it's just meadow-fresh-looking). And here's the place where readers tell me where to go shopping for inexpensive bedding in just those colors! Seriously, I'd love some suggestions. (By the way, I really appreciated the suggestions on pregnancy books; I'm glad to hear that everyone and her sister HATES "What to Expect..." because I really didn't like it myself).

Well, that's it for now! More on non-pregnancy-related life later...

New Year's news and already dying for Spring

Doesn't this picture give you a lovely zen feeling?

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope all my friends are recovering from the holidays in good order. I'm not...yet. I intend to amend that, but right now there's still a Christmas tree up in my living room (I have a good excuse, we didn't get home from our 2 weeks away until Sunday night!), piles of laundry to do, and gifts to unpack and put away. Not to mention the empty fridge and pantry that keep mocking me... Fortunately, I got all the bills paid yesterday and I'm caught up with work, so I'm not completely slacking.

Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and Peanut and I have a doctor's appointment. I'm not sure if we're having an ultrasound but I'm prepared to needle, wheedle, and beg for one! If all else fails, I'm playing the birthday card. It's just that at nearly 14 weeks, I know we'll be able to see much more baby this time, if we're allowed. A little birdie told me what my husband is giving me for my birthday, and I'm really pumped about it! We'll close out the day by going to my favorite Italian restaurant here in JC, called Alta Cucina. They have this amazing tomato bisque, and their pasta sauces are incredible. I can't wait!

I've always liked the fact that my birthday so closely follows the advent of a new year. It really helps in reflecting on the year gone by and planning for the year ahead. In addition to planning for a baby in July, we're also planning...dum-dum-de-dum!...a move to Indiana!!! As soon as we found out the baby was on the way, the wheels started turning in Marty's mind (unbeknownst to me at first) about the best place where we could raise our children. Because Marty's parents are both deceased, the only grandparents our children will know will be my parents. Throw in a heaping helping of close-by aunts and uncles and cousins for our children, and Indiana becomes very tempting. Once Marty told me his thoughts, I was overjoyed, to be quite honest. I have not been very happy in east Tennessee. Marty is the light of my life, but being alone all day, never seeing my family, and never even getting out with a friend for lunch or a pedicure (and I've looked for friends here, believe me), puts too much pressure on him as my sole companion and comfort. It's a testament to him that he's done such a good job keeping me fairly content! So, while we were in town over the holidays, we went apartment shopping and already signed up for an apartment we'll probably get in May (there's a waiting list). Since I work from home and could quite literally work from a beach in Bora Bora (if only), the one remaining task at hand is to find Marty a good job. He's starting to put out the feelers, but if anyone in Indiana has a good job lead for an attorney with a decade of experience in labor law, workers' compensation, etc., please do let us know! We would LOVE to be settled and comfy-cozy in our apartment in Indy before the baby arrives, so that's the plan. I have to admit, I'm geeked-out excited about it! The apartment complex does painting for you (for a fee, of course); all you do is hand over a few buckets of paint and voila! Also, after the hassle and chaos of our last move, we decided we're going to pay movers. There's no way I can help while great with child, and I don't want to have my parents help us, and I don't want the burden on my husband, either. It's definitely an expense, but I think a worthy one. So, my big project for the coming months is to purge, purge, purge our belongings and mentally decorate our new home, so I can walk right in and get settled.

Spring has always been my favorite season, but as you can tell, I have a lot of new reasons to look forward to the warmer months. I'll be moving HOME, my baby will be coming soon, and I'll get to have that lunch and pedicure with a friend when I need it (are you reading this Ellen?). So, come soon Spring!

the (late) December list

What I'm reading: What to Expect When You're Expecting. Of course. Although I've found it sadly insufficient in many areas. Does anybody like the Q&A format? I surely don't. Does anybody have any better suggestions for pregnancy reading? I also just finished reading Remember Me? by the same girlie who wrote all the lovely Shopaholic books. Every now and then I need a British chick-lit fix!

What we're spending on: Christmas, but thankfully that's almost finished. With 4 days to spare...seriously, without online shopping and my sweet UPS lady (who asks me about the baby every time I see her now, since she's seen me disheveled and ill and pale so often!), there would be practically zero Christmas for my loved ones. Also, my sweet husband took me on a bit of a shopping spree in Motherhood (maternity store) last night. All I can say is, pregnancy jeans are IT. I mean, hello beautiful comfort!!! Now I don't dread getting out of pajamas, and that's a big deal for me right now.

What we're saving for: Yup, still those king-size mattresses. Although I'm really proud of us -- we were able to sock away some of our Christmas gift money, and the plan is to have our mattresses and fully ensconced in bed-heaven by next month!

What I need to do: Send Christmas cards; send packages to friends and family in North Carolina, Mississippi, and New York; buy a couple of stocking stuffers; do all my laundry and pack to leave for Christmas vacation (nearly 2 weeks' worth!) on Tuesday afternoon! Yee-haw! Family and north, here we come!

What I'm thinking about: my baby, mostly. What mama-to-be doesn't think often of her baby as he or she is being formed in her womb? It occupies quite of bit of my mental activity these days. We've already picked out names, I've had inspiration for a girl's nursery (I will need serious help with a boy's nursery), and oddly, we already got the full prenatal care bill (yeah, that's up to and including JULY). So, a lot of the practical things have been done or are being taken care of, leaving me time to think about more profound things, like what kind of mama will I be???

What I'm working on: Planning lots of changes in the New Year. More on that to come...

What I'm happy about: Seeing Marty be excited about his baby...it blesses me so much to experience HIS happiness about the babe. Also, getting to spend nearly 2 weeks with family and friends...and especially my nieces and nephews. There's nothing like experiencing Christmas with children, is there? Also, being on the very cusp of turning the corner into second trimester. Just a few days to go, and relief from fatigue and sickness is (supposedly) in sight!

Vote on my poll!

See the poll to the right --->

The results of this poll will either make me feel better or far, far worse. No pressure.

Tagged

I was tagged by Sarah at This Girl's Life to do this little fun survey.

The Rules:
*Link to the person who tagged you.
*Share 7 random/weird facts about you.
*Tag 7 people at the end of the post, and include links to their blogs.

1) Since becoming pregnant, I've had far more vivid dreams than usual. And usually, my dreams are about...pizza. I woke up one morning dreaming of long, stringy, hot mozzarella cheese being pulled away from a pepperoni pizza. Golly, I think I want pizza again tonight.

2) My husband and I met on eHarmony. I think I've shared that before, but it's one of those facts we enjoy sharing with other people because it always seems to generate a unique reaction. For some reason, it makes us kind of celebrity-ish. People always seem terribly impressed and pressure us to "do a commercial."

3) I went to a private Baptist school up until my senior year, when I transferred to a public high school. That was a rude awakening! I was offered -- let's just say "illegal drugs" my first week of school and I think I just stared blankly at the kid, like "are you for real?" I felt like I'd walked into an after-school special.

4) "Dallas" is my favorite TV show of all time. I used to watch it with my grandparents while they babysat us, and Grandpa would give me a Coke in a glass bottle, apple slices, and Cheez-Its. Man, those were good times!

5) Speaking of favorites, it seems I have a "favorite" everything. Favorite flower (lily of the valley), favorite bird (morning dove), favorite brand of tights (DKNY), favorite upscale store (Von Maur), favorite game (Trivial Pursuit), favorite perfume (Jivago), favorite this, favorite that. Ask me what my "favorite" is of anything and 9 times out of 10, I'll have a ready answer for you.

6) I always take a bath (or hot shower, if a bath is unavailable) before bed. It's a habit I started in high school to unwind and it's one I intend to keep for the duration. I have a thing about enjoying a nice bath, slipping into really great pajamas, then further slipping in between really great sheets. I'm a big fan of R&R.

7) If I could meet any celebrity, anyone at all, I would choose Paula Deen. I feel she could teach me any number of things, and only some of those in the kitchen! She seems such a warm, wise, loving lady, and I love her sense of humor and that great Southern accent. Paula's people: leave a comment and we'll arrange a meeting. :)

Okay, I tag: Ellen, Kate, Aimee, Ashley, Sebi, Liz, and Emily.

New York City!

I can't believe it's taken me THIS LONG to write about our trip to New York City! Anyway, without further ado, here's 25 things about our trip that I wanted to share:

1) Did you know that LaGuardia Airport is right on the water? When your plane comes in, it's hard to tell if you're going to hit water or tarmac. Not fun for the flight-challenged, like myself.
2) Cab drivers in NYC: you lived up to every nuance of reputation you have. Cab driver from LaGuardia to Long Island: thank you for making the cab ride for this pregnant woman the closest I've come to actually tossing cookies. (My brother-in-law, John, kept glancing at me nervously, like "don't do it on me!")
3) We stayed with Marty's Aunt Becky (she's only 8 years older than Marty, so more like a big sister than an aunt), her husband Ed, and their 3 kids, John Thomas, Henry, and Grace. They have a beautiful home all done up in...French Country style. I nearly died of bliss. We were sitting at the dining table eating breakfast one morning when I asked Becky, are these slipcovers from Ballard Designs? Becky looked at me with both shock and deep appreciation and confirmed my suspicion! She told me I really know my stuff! (this is perhaps one of the highest compliments I've ever received)
4) Becky and Ed gave up their master bedroom with a brand-new TempurPedic bed for us for our entire stay. I'm not sure if this was the plan all along, or if it was prompted by our big news! As soon as we were in the door, coats off, being offered drinks, Marty told the family about Peanut and Aunt Becky started crying and hugging and laughing at the same time. It was wonderful to be enveloped with such warmth and love! Then, in the next 5 minutes, Becky had me on the couch, shoes off, ottoman shoved under my legs, an afghan on me, and a water in my hand almost before I could nod or say thank-you. Suddenly a fire was built in the fireplace and appetizers appeared on the coffee table. I've rarely experienced such sweet solicitous caring. I should seriously be pregnant more often.
5) Long Island has the best food markets on Planet Earth. We went to stock up on some goodies for our stay and I was blown away by the rows and rows and stacks and stacks of gourmet food. Every kind of olive you can imagine, every kind of cheese, hummus, dips, crackers, bread, produce like you've never seen away from a farm...cases of freshly made lasagna, pasta salads, veggie salads, I could go on and on. I told Marty I was living every pregnant woman's dream!
6) Long Island also has something called a Dairy Barn, which isn't like a Dairy Queen or anything of the sort. It's this odd little drive-up store where you can get anything from donuts to beer to ice cream to fresh sweet tea and lemonade. Dairy Barn, I miss you. And your lemonade.
7) We (Becky, Grace, me, Marty, and John) took the Long Island Railroad into the city on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Here's a pic of me and my darling husband on the train:

8) And here's Gracie on the train (she is one of the best-behaved children I've ever met and is city-savvy! Look at her puffy coat and Uggs!): 9) Our first stop in the city was, where else? Starbucks! And I'm not kidding when I say there's one on every corner. I was actually feeling up to coffee that day (I'm usually not these days), so I had a lovely decaf misto to enjoy while we walked block after block after block! Here's me enjoying my misto in Times Square:

10) We saw this store on our walk, and I couldn't resist taking a picture of it! Too bad we're not related to that fortune!11) Then I stopped cold in my tracks when I saw this: I'm a HUGE fan of Project Runway and I got so excited thinking that Tim Gunn could be inside those very walls. I had a fleeting temptation to become a stalker. Fortunately, the moment passed.
12) John wanted to go the Museum of Natural History (I think that's the proper name for it?). It was the setting for the Ben Stiller movie, "Night at the Museum" (if that helps anyone). Anyway, we saw lots of cool dinosaur bones, and I kept thinking how my niece Ada would have gone nuts with happiness in the place -- she loves dinosaurs!There were about 8 trillion people there that day, though, so my energy levels petered out a couple times (I hate big crowds).
13) We closed the day out with a trip to the Hard Rock Cafe. Speaking of big crowds...that was kind of a nightmare. It was John's pick, though (he had to leave for home a few days ahead of me and Marty), so it was all good. However, I've learned not to wait to find a bathroom anywhere in the city. If you have the slightest inkling, get up and go find a bathroom that very instant, because you'll stand in line, a very LONG line. Very common experience for me while in New York!
14) I just realized I skipped a whole day, Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. We slept in (thank goodness, since there was a trampling incident at a Wal-Mart on Long Island that morning!!!) and then went to the mall on Long Island in the afternoon. That was CRAZY. However, my husband kept wanting to treat me the whole time we were there, so I let him buy me some black Coach boots in Macy's (on sale for a ridiculous amount, for Coach, anyway). We also drove around and saw Adelphi University, where Marty got his master's degree in English (is he MADE for me or what?). Then we drove around and looked at some fabulous properties on the island. You think there are rich people in Indiana, and maybe even some rich people in Tennessee, and then you actually see how rich the rich people are in Long Island. And you know that you've never even fathomed having that much money!
15) Fast-forward to Monday, the only day Marty and I had alone in the city. It was magnificent! Well, things got off to a rough start...my socks kept slipping off my feet in my boots, necessitating an emergency trip into a random store to buy knee-high socks, then the street-vendor pretzel I had that was burnt and such a huge disappointment!...but as soon as we got to the Empire State Building, all was well again. Waiting in line for the skycab is not too different from waiting in line at Disney World, and get this, there is SECURITY in the ESB. As in, take off coats and shoes and bags and stick 'em on the conveyer belt, just like at the airport. What a sad reminder that we live in a post-9/11 world, especially when in the post-9/11 city.
Empire State Building is such a beautiful place, with all these Art-Deco touches here and there:So, after about an hour's walk and wait and various elevator rides, we got to the top!16) This is the famous skyline of Manhattan. In the top-right corner, you can see a little island with something poking up into the sky -- that's the Statue of Liberty! And Marty pointed out that right where the buildings make a W, used to stand the Twin Towers. That was very sobering to see. Then, here's the view when you look up:17) And here's the view when you look down onto Macy's!18) And of course, the view when you hand your camera to a perfect stranger:

19) Last but not least, the view of the Chrysler Building (my particular favorite):

20) After an exhausting morning, Marty took me to Saks Fifth Avenue to begin our shopping adventure. We started out in the "2 Eat @ Saks Cafe", where I had a lovely Cobb salad and pretzel croissants (I'd seriously maim someone for the recipe), followed by tiramisu and coffee. I can't stress this enough: If you want to eat well, go to New York City. Seriously the best food in the whole world. Just be careful of those street vendors... Anyway, so here was the view from our table:21) That's right, I ate and looked down on the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center!!! It wasn't lit yet, but that only slightly damaged my experience. :)
22) Then it was off to, where else? Tiffany's!!! Marty bought me an early Christmas present -- I'll share a picture of it soon. For a retail maven like myself, this was like coming home to the mother ship!
23) Then we took a couple of cabs up to a little store that Marty had even googled the location of, because he fully intended to make sure I had this experience in New York...that of buying a hand bag from, where else? kate spade! (Just for fun we looked at the Louis Vuitton bags in Saks...I thought Marty would stroke out when he saw the price tag.) So here's me, getting my beautiful kate spade bag all packaged carefully for the plane ride home...

24) Finally, after a very long day in the city, we packed it in and headed "home" to Long Island to eat Chinese take-out with the fam. I kid you not, even the Chinese take-out is better in New York! But one last shot...this is me, right before getting on the train to leave the city, feeling so very New York and loving it so much!Okay, yeah, so I look like a tourist. However, I had to have my little "Sex and the City" moment, okay?
25) Finally, I'm amazed at how much this post doesn't capture. We somehow didn't get any pictures of the family besides Gracie, nor did we get a shot of the fabulous turkey dinner that Becky and Ed cooked for us. Also, besides the pictures we didn't get, there's so much more I could say...like, if you think the president-elect is not worshipped as a messiah, um, just go to New York. He is. His face is everywhere. And it's creepy. Also, I had such varying encounters with people. A lot of them were rude and frankly, weird, but then again, a lot of them were truly pleasant. Waiters (in finer establishments in the city, I guess I should say) almost hover in their eagerness to please. And Tiffany's was such a beautiful experience that way -- there are no lines, no cash registers, none of that sloppy retail stuff. Clerks trained in the art of subtlety casually ask if you're ready to purchase, and if you are, they simply whisk away with your credit card and then reappear with a lovely blue bag and a receipt.
Anyway, I really have to cut this off for now, maybe I'll write a follow-up post one time when more memories come flooding back! All in all, it was a grand adventure and I'm so glad we had the opportunity to go! Thanks again Ed and Becky!!!

What's been keeping me from blogging?

Just a little something...

The picture is upside-down because my bebe is upside-down inside me right now (click on it for a better view; you can see eyes, arms, and even the umbilical cord near the bottom)! Yes, we are greatly anticipating the arrival of our little one in early July. I'm 9 weeks right now, and even though all the books tell you to wait for the 12th week to make your announcement, it seems bizarre to not publicly acknowledge your child, no matter how tiny it is! I have been GREATLY blessed in my OB/GYN here in Johnson City, especially after having had such a great doctor in Indiana (I didn't think I'd be so fortunate twice!). Dr. Hinton is kind, funny, clever, jovial, warm, and sweet. Seriously, he's all of the above. He listens to my concerns and actually acts on them when necessary. We've had two ultrasounds already as a result; the first one at 6 weeks showed such a wee little thing but it already had that lovely beating heart! Our second ultrasound was just a few days ago, and it showed a much bigger baby than before (I can't believe how fast they grow in these early weeks) with a strong heartbeat (176 bpm). The baby even moved a little during the ultrasound, which surprised us all, even the good doctor! Apparently they don't move a whole lot during this time but it was such a blessing to this mama's heart to see her little one dance around in that warm pool of water!

Pregnancy so far has been something of a challenge for me. Nothing seems to prepare you for the physical and emotional onslaught. I've been a textbook pregnant woman, feeling very sick to my stomach at random times throughout the day, gagging at food smells (I plug my nose when opening the refrigerator; there's nothing smelly in there but I can SMELL things!), craving good things (cherry tomatoes) and bad things (Chips Ahoy!), weeping over anything and everything. Not to mention the fatigue! I have felt so useless at times, watching my hubby do all the meal preparation and clean-up. I just sit in a heap on the couch, moaning with sickness! But what a sweet husband I have. He keeps telling me, Honey, you're doing the REAL hard work, I don't mind doing the little stuff!

In fact, it always feels naughty to complain, even the littlest bit. You see, this baby is a miracle in many ways. We feel blessed beyond measure. The first time we saw the baby's heart beating on the ultrasound, Marty and I locked eyes and the wonder, awe, and joy we felt was and is indescribable. What a gift to have finally found my true place in life, with an amazing man, who I adore, and our child on the way, who I love so dearly. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gifts!

the November list

What I'm reading: Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. There's a post about this book in comparison with another book brewing in my head...

What we're spending on: I'm trying to get a couple new items for my wardrobe so I'm sufficiently stylin' in NYC in a couple weeks!

What we're saving for: king-size mattresses. STILL. It's just not incredibly easy to set aside $2,000+. Even when you piece-meal it. Can you tell we want to pay cash for everything? We paid for our wedding with cash, and it's so clear to us that this is the way to go for any large purchase.

What I need to do: send the rest of the wedding thank-you notes. STILL. I got the first half of the thank-you notes done, but that little victory became a little excuse to procrastinate doing the rest of them. Get some Christmas shopping done, at least on paper (who gets what, budgets, stores, coupon codes for online shopping, etc).

What I'm thinking about: a couple of really intense things, and also a couple of really non-intense things, like the spaghetti sauce bubbling in the crockpot right now. It is calling my name! Do you ever feel like your brain is layered, and it's easier to stay on the surface and think about the mostly trivial, because sometimes it's so exhausting to dig -- and think -- deeper?

What I'm working on: daily upkeep of the house. I hate how a couple days of neglect is so visible in our home! I'm not talking dishes or anything, just the general whatnot that accumulates: mail, sweaters, books, magazines, gym bags, shoes, borrowed items to be returned, items just-bought that need homes, etc. Clutter makes me crazy!

What I'm happy about: going to NYC for Thanksgiving, then the almost 2 weeks I have off around Christmas to spend in Indiana and Michigan. I love travel, I love time with family, and (usually) I love the holidays! I can't believe it's the middle of November and we're so very close to shutting down 2008 forever. It boggles my mind to think of how drastically (and quickly!) my life has changed in a year. This time last year, I was single, living in Indiana, working a job I didn't like, commuting sometimes 2 hours a day, and long-distance dating Marty. Now I'm happily married, I work from home at a job I mostly enjoy, I live in Tennessee, and I get to see my beloved every day! God amazes me at how He makes my dreams come true.

sage words

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."

If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.

~C.S. Lewis

in defense of Christianity

After recently ranting against extremism in Christianity, I'm now going to take up the cause of Christianity because, well, I have things to say. And this is my blog, so I'm going to say them.
I am so deeply grateful to be a Christian, to know the love of Jesus Christ. With tears in my eyes writing this, I can sincerely say that I'm constantly overwhelmed by joy from the blessings in my life directly from His hand. After years of living in a truly awful marriage (and covering up that fact to the outside world), I was delivered from it with clear finality and was surrounded by angels in human form who bore me up with such grace and love, I could feel through them the strength of Jesus. My parents, my sisters, my best girlfriends, all joined my huddle and the fight to build my life again. With a shattered heart and a confused faith, I approached the throne of God with a simple plea, Help me through this, help me make it to the other side, wherever that is, and help me know who You really are. In fact, I even tried for awhile to completely throw off my faith, to see if it was another illusion with which I'd been living for so long. And you know what? It didn't work. I couldn't fling it away. Because you see, my faith is part of me. It's my identity and it's my very soul. My whole life I have felt the beautiful presence of God, and I've always known Him from the way my parents lived their lives and brought Him to every dinner table and every bedtime prayer. God's blessing was solicited for traveling, for healing, for peace at family functions, and even for math tests. And in the midst of the worst crisis of my life, God made His presence known to me, again and again. He was there with love and forgiveness and understanding and help and hope. God saved my eternal soul a long time ago, but He saved my earthly life, too. He was there as I picked up each little piece of Becky and glued her back together. And He was there when I met my husband. Some might say that Marty and I met by chance, but we both know differently. It was a connection guided by the most loving hands, the hands of our Creator and Redeemer. Marty and I give God all the credit for bringing us to each other and bestowing upon us the greatest human blessing of all, the gift of a soulmate.
I say all of this for a reason. My faith in Christ is the best thing I have to offer to this world, because the love of Christ inspires love in me. Without Him, I could very well be a bitter, angry, useless shell of a person right now, and this is no exaggeration, because I was tempted toward that path several times. Because Jesus loves me, I am proud to bear the title of Christian. And I am proud to be all the things that define Christians, and further, that define conservatism. I believe in the sanctity of life and the holiness of marriage. Of course that means I believe abortion to be murder and marriage to be between a man and a woman only. I believe what the Bible teaches me about these things. And you know what? This makes me incredibly uncool. Oh the pitying looks and the withering remarks I've had. And not just uncool...it makes me dumb, ill-informed, and worse, stupid. I consider myself to be a very bright, well-educated woman with a love for learning and knowledge. I can speak with a certain confidence on many, many subjects because I'm self-taught in many, many areas. But none of this matters when you also happen to be a Christian and a conservative. All of your education and hard-earned life wisdom fly out the window if you express adherence to the Christian faith. For some reason, this boils me down to a mere simpleton in the eyes of others who have it "really" figured out. To some people, being a Christian doesn't make you someone of another opinion, it makes you stupid.
I've never felt this more keenly than in the last few hours, with the result of this election. I watched a few minutes of The View this morning, and when Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the die-hard Christian conservative, spoke, her words brought me to tears. She accepted the defeat of her team with grace and beauty, and she said, "I'm going to get behind the new president, because that's what Americans do." Of course, the ladies surrounding her looked at her with the same brand of pity I've seen in the eyes of people I know, like "oh poor thing, she didn't know any better to vote for the RIGHT guy."
So I've realized something. Christians will always be uncool. We'll always be labeled anti-progressive, hateful, and ignorant. Why? Because we believe in certain black-and-whites, like the truth of sin. We believe in a different kind of love, the kind that doesn't say, Anything goes, but the kind that says, You're a sinner but I love you anyway, and I came to give you freedom from your sin.
So I'll never fit in with the cool kids. I can accept that. Because Jesus told me I wouldn't fit in, that I shouldn't fit in. He told me not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind to a higher love that humans can't attain outside of His power. He told me I'm just a traveler, passing through this place on my way to my heavenly home. He told me I might even be persecuted for taking His name and identifying myself with Him.
But you know what? I'd rather be on His side, because of all the beautiful things He's done for me. I've seen His hand so clearly in my life, and really, standing up for Him and for the truth is the least I can do in return. There are people who might read this and write me off as ridiculous, and I can't do anything about that. Because I have to be true to my soul, which belongs to Jesus.

Random thoughts, round 2

I haven't posted in a little while and that's mostly because I haven't felt well this week. I think I'm battling strep throat and I really need to suck it up and find a local doctor. I don't really want to because I adore my doctor back home in Indiana, who has been my doctor since I was 5 years old! Anyhoo, just wanted to jot down some thoughts rolling around in my head, from the extremely trivial to varying levels of higher importance.

• I feel a rant coming on toward legalistic Christians. I grew up going to a very strict private Baptist school, and I experienced legalism in just about every form imaginable. I must state that my parents were not among this crowd; they sent us to the school so we could get a top-notch education, which we did. What they didn't bargain for was all the irrational spiritual "sludge" (my term) that would be crammed into our minds along with our A-B-C's. Anyway, for most of my adult life, I've attended non-denominational churches and more recently, a Lutheran church (which is truly my church "home" -- they are ALL ABOUT grace!). However, I still read lots and lots online about current thinking in the modern-day church, and lately, what I'm reading is scaring me. It's scaring me because it's so deeply familiar. For example, practicing yoga is a sin? Er...WHAT??? Seriously, people, let's get back to the basics of Christianity. Love God and love your neighbor. This is the message that Jesus preached to us over and over and over again. Why? Because that's the heart of Christianity, not spending all our time worrying over sin. We've been freed from the law!!! Let's live in GRACE. Like my pastor says, "Live in the gift." I could go on and on, but that's a good summary for now. I've a feeling I'll be revisiting this topic again soon, though. Stay tuned. For more ranting.
• And on to a completely different topic...how many of you ladies use Oil of Olay? I'm 31 years old, and suffice it to say, I've had pretty crappy skin for oh, 17 years? I've tried everything on the market to help with acne and dryness, and I mean everything: Proactiv Solution (which works until I break out into hives), all the over-the-counter products, several expensive salon products, even the prescription drug, Accutane (which you can NOT be on if you're sexually active...even with the required 2 forms of birth control, the possible birth defects are truly scary). Anyway, I don't recall how I got the idea to moisturize my skin to the nth degree, but last week I bought Oil of Olay day cream and night cream. And holy cow, kids, it works!!! My skin is not only soft and smooth, it's CLEAR. It's like a drugstore miracle. Maybe my skin was just starved for moisture all these years? Typical of me...struggle for years with something only to find a very simple solution.
• This weekend, Marty and I will be continuing our search for economical but high-quality king-size mattresses. People who know me personally, know that I'm a champion sleeper. Seriously, I have the equivalent of a black-belt or a gold medal or an Oscar in sleeping. I'm that good at it, and enjoy it that much! So I can't stress enough the importance of a good mattress to my championship sleeping...yet in my old age, I'm becoming something of a penny-pincher. Does anyone have any good recommendations on where we should be looking for mattresses? The next decade of my sleeping quality depends on what you say...so no pressure.
• It's official...we're going to NYC for Thanksgiving weekend! We'll be flying out Thanksgiving morning and then making our way to Long Island, where Marty's Aunt Becky lives. We'll be staying until the next Tuesday, so there will be plenty of time with the Fam PLUS time by ourselves in the great city! Yes, it won't be long until I can personally say...

Fun at the orchard

On Saturday morning, Leslie, Marty and I piled into the car and took a trip to Altapass Orchard in North Carolina by way of the Blue Ridge Parkway. I still don't know which part of the trip was better -- the actual orchard or the beauty and grandeur set out for our viewing enjoyment on the Blue Ridge Parkway! As Leslie said, "it's like a show just for us."
At the orchard, we took in the mountains and the apples and the mountains of apples:Then we took in the bluegrass band playing their good ole tunes and all the folks who were clogging and dancing in the crisp air...

We ate hot dogs and pulled pork sandwiches and pumpkin cake while the band sang "Rocky Top" (I really felt like a true Tennessee girl!). Then we drank some hot apple cider before beginning our frolic in the apple barn and the orchard.

It was truly the perfect fall experience. We had so much fun! Thanks again, my Leslie, for having this brilliant idea and letting us tag along on your journey to "fall for fall." Thanks also for the amazing pictures! Please come back and visit again soon!

how to not hate Monday mornings

On Sunday afternoon/evening:

• Iron all hubby's shirts and pants (so his mornings are smooth and easy for the coming week)
• Let hubby have his fill of football (this leads to happy hubby in general)
• Clean kitchen (there's nothing worse than being greeted in the morning by a sinkful of dirty dishes)
• Make sure fridge and pantry are stocked with healthy breakfast items (skim milk, Total wheat flakes, and bananas on tap for this week)
• Ready coffeemaker so all that's required in the AM is the pushing of a button
• Make bed with freshly cleaned white sheets for peaceful slumber and sweet dreams, in order to awake refreshed and happy

I'm proud to say I've done all the above. Looking forward to a happy Monday!!!

Random thoughts

• I'm really irritated at the ending of Project Runway. Kenley was my favorite, and she didn't have an attitude, she was just...emotional. Yeah, that's it. (Okay, she had an attitude. But even though Kenley snapped at him, the great Tim Gunn forgave and called her "sweetheart.") Anyway, I loved her Bryant Park collection, especially this dress. Leanne's collection was just...blah. Yeah, the petals are a cool feature and all, but the colors? Yawn. The styles? I wouldn't wear 'em.
• I just found a new show. Well, it's new to me. Has anyone watched "Samantha Who?" It's an adorable comedy featuring Christina Applegate. I watched a couple episodes online here.
• I've re-fallen in love with Real Simple magazine. I had a subscription for a few years and let it lapse when...well, when normal life lapsed for awhile. In unpacking all my things, I found about 3 years' worth of old issues and I've discovered (again) that these magazines are worth their weight in gold, with all the fun recipes, advice, tips, and heartwarming stories. Real Simple, I shall never leave thee again.
• I can't wait to move out of this apartment. (But wait, Becky, didn't you just move in? Yes, we did. Keep reading.) Our lease will be up in May, and when the time comes, we're going to find a great place to rent (hopefully even a house) where I can a) paint the walls (I'm sick to my soul of cream-colored walls) and b) get a puppy. I work from home and I need a little friend to have with me for the 10+ hours that Marty is gone. I think I want a yellow lab. Marty and I are still debating the gender. (I want a boy dog, and I want to name him Pilot. Oh yes, like Mr. Rochester's dog in Jane Eyre. Marty wants a girl dog because he thinks a boy dog, especially one who spends all day with me, wouldn't feel much loyalty for the man of the house. We watch a lot of Dog Whisperer, and I have to admit, Marty has a point, being the alpha male of the pack and all that.)
• I found an absolutely lovely blog called this is glamorous. On it, I found this picture, which screams Becky at the top of its lungs:

• And that's it for now! Everyone have a great weekend!

the October list

So I've been wanting to keep a master list somewhere of things I'm doing, things I'm needing to get done, and just random other items floating in my head, and I thought, why not my blog? That way, all of my friends can keep me encouraged and headed in the right direction, yes? Without further ado, here's my first list!

• What I'm reading: Body in the Gallery, by Katherine Hall Page. Faith of My Fathers, by John McCain (no, I'm not a Republican but yes, I'm generally a McCain fan...and I'm reading this book less for voting research purposes and more because I admire war heroes and I want to know what his Vietnam experience was like, and no, I have no idea why I feel the need to vociferously defend my reading choices!). I need some new book recommendations, by the way...
• What we're spending on: getting the carpets, tile, and furniture upholstery in our apartment cleaned (not my favorite thing to spend money on, but soooo worth it).
• What we're saving for: king-size mattresses. And a house (a few years down the road).
• What I need to do: send the rest of the wedding thank-you notes. Clean my house in anticipation of Leslie's visit this weekend (hurrah! I get to see an actual girlfriend!!!). Organize the storage room/finish going through boxes and bags and take extraneous items to Goodwill. Get joint checking account open with Hubs (this has been a long, tedious process that of course, starts with changing your Social Security information, then driver's license, etc.). Clean and organize office (blecch). Start thinking about Christmas presents (seriously, where did 2008 go?). Finalize Thanksgiving plans.
• What I'm thinking about: the election and the economy, of course. How to tighten up our grocery spending without sacrificing yumminess/health. My niece, Ada, my dad, and my brother-in-law Christopher, who all celebrate birthdays this month. Also, my friends Leslie and Elisabeth are celebrating birthdays in October. (Have I missed anyone?)
• What I'm working on: losing weight (at least 20 pounds); I do 30 minutes on the treadmill at least 3 times a week, but I know I need to step it up (literally). Being more focused during the day/becoming more efficient in my job.
• What I'm happy about: the strength and wisdom of my husband, and the joy in our marriage. My cousin Tom becoming a daddy last week, at long last. My friend Ellen finalizing her next great career move soon, probably this week. Getting to go home to Indy in a couple weeks.

Wearing a smile

"...I will forget my complaint, I will put off my sad face and wear a smile..." Job 9:27 (New King James).

Something has been troubling me deep inside, for quite awhile now. It was something that was easy to put off dealing with, while I focused on my wedding and then making my home in Tennessee with my new husband. However, as each item has been put away, each chair arranged just-so, and each picture hung on the wall in our little apartment home, I got closer and closer to having no more excuses to avoid the trouble in my heart. That trouble erupted on Saturday night, after an innocent trip to the mailbox landed black-and-white proof of that very trouble in my lap. I opened the letter and burst into tears, confounding myself and my husband with the strength and rawness of my emotions.

I don't want to go into details about my trouble, because the people who know me personally already know of what I'm speaking, and it's too difficult to introduce in a forum such as this. Let it suffice to say, however, that this trouble was physical and emotional and spiritual, that it is over, and that the evidence that came in the mail was "simply" a very painful reminder of a very painful circumstance. It was also a reminder, fresh and new, of the feelings I had yet to process. So...process I did. Right then and right there. My husband held me as I sobbed and sobbed, finally giving oxygen to pent-up anguish. And oh my goodness, did it ever feel good. To let go, to give it up, to ask questions aloud, with anger and hurting, and to ultimately be okay knowing the answers are impossible to comprehend on this side of heaven. The best part (if there is a "best part" to meltdowns) was looking into the loving eyes of my husband, and knowing the love I see there is unconditional, complete, and immutable. Knowing also that true love is inspired by the Creator of love, and acknowledging that to be loved like that by another human being is merely an echo of how much I'm loved by that same Creator.

So, after the last sniffle ceased and the last tear was wiped away, I felt ready to put off my sad face and smile again. My hurt will never go away completely, but at least I'm no longer deeply troubled by it. What's the difference between these two states of being for me? A healthy dose of healing and a mighty big inundation of hope.

I have this little postcard ripped from a magazine that pictures two hands cradling a tiny plant in dark loamy soil, and the caption reads, "Hope blooms every day." My heart responded mightily when I saw this picture, so I tore it out and placed it just under my computer screen, where I can see it every chance I need to. You know why I need to see it? Because I've realized that it's a conscious decision, allowing hope to bloom in your heart. It's a purposeful direction of thought and feeling...hope doesn't just bloom of its own accord. You have to allow it to happen in your heart, then you must nurture it and let it bloom bigger and prettier than the day before. I've also learned that you have to make way for hope by letting healing happen in its own time. Delaying it and putting it off only makes the ultimate reckoning that much harder to bear. Healing is, in fact, that fertile loamy soil in which hope can bloom.

So on this beautiful October day, I feel as light as the leaves I'm watching drop and swirl in the sunshine and breeze. I have put away my sad face and I'm wearing a smile. And hoping with all my heart.

The country is having an anxiety attack

Or is it just me? As I type this, my husband is downstairs, still watching the vice presidential debate. Also as I type this, my husband's blood pressure is on the rise. Personally, I couldn't take it anymore. It's not just the blatant lying going on that's freaking me out (look, either he voted for it or he didn't, so someone is telling fibs up there!), but the issues flying about in the air like flies at a picnic. Are the polar ice caps really melting? And if so, is it really my fault if they are? (Seriously, was it all the aerosol hairspray I used in high school?) Then there are the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Not to mention the unstable, volatile places like Iran, North Korea, Israel, and Palestine. Not so ironically, the conversation about those places was immediately followed by a discussion about nuclear arms control...shudder. Oh, and let's not forget for even a second the grave financial crisis here at home. Who else feels in their gut like our economy is about to tank? Who else this week has felt the need to coldly assess the value of their jobs in a failing economy? My job is closely tied to healthcare, so it feels safer than others might, I suppose, but then again, I'm not a doctor or a nurse -- two jobs that would be safe in nearly any economic climate. I have a 401K that I no longer have any hope for, and not enough money on-hand to see us through an extended period of personal financial crisis, if we were both let go from our jobs tomorrow. I have bills to pay. I have to keep up a lease. I have to keep a gas tank filled. My husband drives a 60-minute round-trip commute to work 5 days a week, and even using his Toyota Camry, we're spending enough money weekly to feed a third-world country for a month. My husband was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and I suddenly found myself in need of creative ways to feed him a healthier diet. And all that creativity was deflated as soon as I got to the checkout line at my grocery store. I did what all the experts say to do -- I filled my cart with fresh things on the perimeter of the store and (mostly) avoided the processed, packaged things in the middle...but my bill was how much??? Exhausted yet by my stream-of-consciousness rant???

In all seriousness, who else feels a pressing need to find a dark corner to hide in for the next decade, until all current crises have past? I'm not naive enough to think I'd emerge into a crisis-free planet, but at least there'd be a different crop of crises I'd have to worry about!

Alternately, I also feel a pressing need to trust in God's sovereignty, to understand that He's in control and not surprised by any of this. But I also feel burdened to be smart, clever, and resourceful with the abilities and funds and blessings I've been given (that verse is running through my head..."Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise."). Does anyone else feel this way? That it's time to get diligent and strategic about the way we earn money, spend money, and most importantly, save money? So here's the purpose of my little rant...dear readers, let's pool our mutual smarts and come up with new ways to penny-pinch and save money for a rainy day. Please share your tips, tricks, and ideas. I'll take anything ya got.

Help end this girl's anxiety attack. Remember, she's trying to live a peaceful life!!!

Happy Autumn

Today is the first day of autumn, and here in the mountains of east Tennessee, I am running my air-conditioner. Sigh. Oh well, I'm going to celebrate fall nonetheless! Here's just a few fall-related activities on-tap for the newlyweds:

• Already purchased 2 pumpkins and 2 baskets of yellow mums, on sale at Lowe's this past weekend. I couldn't help but laugh when we walked into church yesterday and saw the exact same baskets of mums on the altar, where flowers are always displayed. We Germans/Lutherans are all the same; we like to enjoy beauty at a discounted price. Mine are displayed on our deck, where we can look through the sliding doors and enjoy the sunshine on them. We'll carve our pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns when it gets closer to Halloween.
• Because I work from home, I feel the need to get out a couple of evenings during the week. Because we're trying to save money, though, our dates have to be pretty cheap, so they end up being a jaunt to Starbucks (and at $8 for 2 coffees, our date isn't exactly cheap, I know). For this week's outing, I'm going to indulge in my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. (And as long as I'm talking about pumpkin spice lattes, I have to send you over to read this post by chatting at the sky!)
• Around the middle of October, we're going to start an Annual Orchard Day tradition. I basically want to go to the orchard to pick apples, drink hot spiced apple cider, eat a huge caramel apple, come home to bake and eat a huge apple pie, and essentially get very sick on all things apple.
  

• Visit our beloved Biltmore Estate when the leaves have turned, preferably around the 1-year anniversary of our first visit there together, which was November 2, 2007 (one of my favorite days ever).

• And speaking of leaves turning, we're going to drive the Blue Ridge Parkway and behold sights such as this:

• Watch "Last of the Mohicans" -- a very autumn-y movie (it was filmed in part on the Biltmore Estate!).
  
• Finally, we'll travel to Indy again for my niece Ada's birthday (big 5 years old, Zu-Zu!), we'll fly to New York for Thanksgiving with Marty's Aunt Becky (much more on this to come...going to New York City will be like going home to the mothership for me, retail-wise), and we'll do other things like taking lots of walks and doing lots of cuddling while sitting outside in the crisp, chilly air while breathing in a little bit of that lovely smoke from burning leaves...

Welcome Autumn!

Got inspiration?

I don't know how I found this site -- must have been one of those click-and-ramble things I do from blog to blog -- but I'm so touched by this story that I want to share it.

Brave people inspire me. Please read about Matt (who looks like Ryan Gosling!) and his baby girl, Madeline. He is raising her alone because Madeline's mama, Liz, died of a pulmonary embolism the day after giving birth to her. This story just breaks my heart, but Matt's courage to keep going and his love for Madeline are beautiful and precious to read about. (Be warned: Matt swears a bit here and there, but then...wouldn't you?).

70s music is far out

Ever play on YouTube? I meandered over there today and I've been immersed in the 70s ever since. Here's a selection of my favorites:

• Andy Kim, Rock Me Gently
• Bee Gees, You Should Be Dancing (you have to check this one out; of course it features John Travolta doin' his thang; I have to dedicate this to my dad, who taught me to love falsetto and all things Gibb)
• ABBA, Take a Chance on Me (this could be my favorite disco tune of all time)
• Thelma Houston, Don't Leave Me This Way
• And while we're at it, let's enjoy the opening them to "c.h.i.p.s" (man, doesn't this take you back to a better time???)
• And the the intro to Greatest American Hero (I accidentally broke my little sister's nose acting this out...oops)

Some softer 70s tunes:

• Frank Mills, Music Box Dancer (I can't listen to this without tears in my eyes. I'm reminded of my mom driving me to ballet class one time, when this came on the radio, and she told me I was "her little ballerina." This song was my favorite for years and years.)
• John Denver, Annie's Song

Tell me some of your favorites!

pictures from Indiana wedding reception

Hopefully I'll get more in from various people, but for now, here are some good ones!

The bride and groom

My fabulous best friend Kate (Life in the Cooper House) with her hubby Dan and their cherub in my arms, Adele (they drove all the way from Michigan -- a 7-hour round-trip -- to surprise me and to meet my hubby and spend time with us; I hooped and hollered when I saw Kate's dark head appear in the doorway!!!)

Yes, more cake, Honey

My too-adorable nieces and nephews. I'm holding the birthday boy Elijah (his 2nd birthday was the day before this) and you can see I have to heft him, he's a chunky monkey! Notice also Ethan's smile; I smiled like that from ages 2-5, so it must be a family thing.

What happiness looks like...

In 2 days, we will celebrate 2 months of marital bliss. I know now why that phrase was coined -- because there truly is such a thing.

My Marty: Honey, I can't believe the things you've put yourself through this past week just to make your bride happy and content in her new home. Enduring 2 flights with me on Friday, the world's worst plane passenger, all the while holding my head to your shoulder and rubbing my back and telling me funny stories to keep me from panicking...Then on Sunday, meeting my family members and good-naturedly allowing yourself to be grilled, all the while laughing with them and smiling at me from across the room...Then on Monday, putting in 5 hours of tough work to load up a Budget truck of all my 31 years of accumulated belongings from my parents' house, only to climb into the truck cab to drive 9 hours back home to Tennessee, all the while kissing my hand and telling me I'm beautiful (the unwashed hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and grubby clothes prove that love is blind!)...well, I simply must declare myself the most fortunate woman in this galaxy!

I love you, Sweetheart. Thank you for all that you do, and for being who you are.

The beauty of black & whites

The first one is a favorite because we look so relaxed and...Southern! The middle graces the cover of the wedding album, and the last might be our very favorite of them all. (Click on them to see larger...) Once again, I have to thank Leslie for a job well done!

And no, I can't promise this will be the last wedding-picture post. In fact, I have to go finish packing my bag (a new London Fog suitcase, mind you) for our flight to Indianapolis tonight. My parents are giving us an Indiana reception for our friends and family who couldn't make it to the Tennessee wedding. So I hope you'll pardon me for staying in the wedding spirit for just a while longer!

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Try this!

I followed this link after reading about it on Southern Sugar's blog. I don't think ALL of the traits apply to me, but it's eerie that a good many of them do. I don't think I'll confess which ones, either!

What Rebekah Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

technical difficulties

I tried in vain to play around a little with my template and I am paying for it now...all of my links disappeared but worse than that, I can't do anything with my template for suddenly I don't even have the option to do so (my problem is currently in the limbo of Blogger help groups, which means it will get fixed sometime in 2010). My apologies to my friends and family whose blog links should be on here!

Sarah Palin, you had me at hello

As I watched Governor Sarah Palin give her acceptance speech on Wednesday night for the nomination of Vice President, I felt something stir within me that I've never felt in the context of politics before. What I felt was pure and sincere admiration for a strong, capable woman who stands on the verge of greatness. I've felt this feeling of awe before, but this feeling has been reserved for the likes of Queen Esther of the Bible and Queen Elizabeth I of England, even Charlotte Bronte and Agatha Christie and Elizabeth Glaser, all of whom faced a struggle or challenge of some kind and didn't shy away from it, but faced it with strength and resolve and the elegance that only women are capable of, and in doing so, accomplished something wonderful, something unexpected, something great. These women are among my personal heroes, and it is with a bit of wonderment that I confess that Sarah Palin has now taken her place among the ranks of these women. So you may ask, what has she done to deserve this ranking? I admit with total honesty, it's not what she's done (yet), but rather, who she is. And a random conversation with my sister Sarah helped me understand even more clearly just who Sarah Palin is, and why I admire her so much.

In this conversation, I asked my sister to give me her "Sarah on Sarah" thoughts. Just so you know, my sister Sarah is a woman of 33 years and a mother of 4 children (separated from Sarah Palin by only 11 years of age and 1 child). Without missing a beat, Sarah said, "Oh, she's awesome; I love her." Then she went on to give me the reason why she thinks Sarah Palin is so awesome, and her reason surprised me. Before I go any further, though, I should tell you a couple more things about my sister Sarah...

First, she is no lover of John McCain. While I (and our little sister Katie) have been hoping for and endorsing a McCain ticket since since he first campaigned for the presidency in 2000, Sarah has had problems with him from the get-go, which include his voting record on certain issues. Furthermore, despite my liking of McCain, I would characterize all 3 of us (me and my sisters) as rather reluctant Republicans when it comes time to vote. We are conservative in nature and ideals, but we've often been jaded by the doings of the Republican party and speaking for myself, I've often wanted to put miles of distance between me and the GOP! And frankly, this hasn't been easy for us, since our grandfather was elected to serve on our hometown's county council a few times, our uncle Charlie is the current mayor of that same hometown, and our cousin Brent is an Indiana state senator...and all dyed-in-the-wool Republicans! (But I digress...) My point is, there was no party loyalty going on with my sister, no need to ally with John McCain's pick for VP just for the sake of following the Republican crowd.

Second, my sister is the proud mother of a special-needs child. My sweet nephew Ethan is 6 years old, and suffers from autism. My sister has been and continues to be a true lioness in her efforts to give Ethan the best possible opportunities in education and healthcare. She has single-handedly taken on the public school system in her community, having sat several times in front of an education board assigned to Ethan's case to argue with them that he deserves the chance to learn and grow and stretch his little mind, and not simply be baby-sat for 6-7 hours a day. You can probably guess that my sister has indeed earned him the classroom and curriculum that she chose, that she knows as his mother is the best thing for him.

I knew that Sarah Palin's running mate might be the dealbreaker in my sister's opinion of her, but I was thinking that the commonality of having a special-needs child would be the salvation. It turns out, however, that neither of these things (bad or good) is the predictor or basis for Sarah's opinion of the running-for-office Sarah. As my sister said to me, "I think she's awesome because she's so normal." Indeed, if "normal" means you have problems, but you get up each day and struggle through, and attempt anew to solve those problems and make your life and the lives of your loved ones better, then Sarah Palin is as normal as the sky is blue. As the mother of a young man on his way to serve in Iraq (Track), a 17-year-old unwed mother-to-be (Bristol), another teenage daughter (Willow), a sweet bright-eyed little girl (Piper), and a baby boy with Down syndrome (Trig), this woman is intimately familiar with the everyday struggles of motherhood (and an amazing baby-namer, it must be said!). As Sarah Palin herself said in her speech, "Our family has the same ups and downs as any other ... the same challenges and the same joys." Of course I know that her statement was intended to appeal to women like me, to help me identify with her. Well, sometimes the truth still has the power to appeal all on its own. Sometimes a candidate's statements don't require the manipulation of pretty words and a charismatic performance to seal the deal with a voter. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple statement of fact, and this one worked for me! It worked for my sister and it worked for me, because I do identify with her. I'm not yet a mother myself, but I hope to be one some day. I am also a member of a family that has always had its share of ups and downs. Most importantly, though, I'm a woman, and in a day and age where women like Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie are supposed to be role models for me, their extreme wealth (and therefore, distance from reality) prevent them from taking that role with a girl like me. Women like me do need role models who are fine examples of wifehood, motherhood, and womanhood, and a woman like Sarah Palin definitely stands out from the crowd. If you think she's on a pedestal with me, you think right. But you know why? Because she's not on a pedestal with herself (unlike the presidential candidate from the opposing party). She doesn't claim to be perfect; she's already shown her imperfections to us and asked us to see her for who she is despite those imperfections -- a woman who's just trying to make a better America for herself and her family. Essentially, this is a normal girl, a girl I'd love to sit and chat with over a cup of coffee. More than that, she's a girl who's got her stuff together, who can run a home and a family and a state, all while looking absolutely fabulous in designer eyeglasses and gorgeous jackets and skirts. I want to be like this woman!

Sarah Palin, you're a normal chick but you're also on a pedestal with me. I'm going to pray for you, that you stay there by doing all you've been called to achieve with your amazing energy. I'm going to vote for you and stand back and watch you accomplish great things.

Sarah Palin, you had me at hello.

coupons

I shall return to the "ABCs of Me" after this short commercial break...

I just ordered my wedding album from Shutterfly.com. And I hope they don't find this...I googled "coupons for Shutterfly" and found a website called "Retail Me Not," from which I used 3 different coupon codes. Get this...my album, plus 2-day shipping and tax, came to a total of $119. With these coupon codes, I got the total down to...wait for it...$77.50!!! I could hardly believe my eyes. Those of you who haven't yet become addicted to Shutterfly, please visit them now and see what fun you can have with your pictures. And those of you who are addicts like me, never order again without punching in some friendly little coupon codes and saving a handful of cash!

The ABCs of me

Have you ever compiled a list of favorites? I remember compiling an A to Z list of my sister's favorite things for her when she was about 11 or 12 years old (remember that Wormie? Note: for those other than my sister, please don't think I'm insulting her with that nickname; it comes from a time when Katie and I were standing next to each other in a church service singing along during a hymn, and for some reason, getting to the line of "...for such a worm as I..." struck us as absolutely hysterical and became a nickname for each other...but I digress!). Anyway, Katie stuck that list of A to Z favorites on her closet door, along with posters of figure skaters and such, and there it stayed for many years.

So I was thinking about a few of my favorite things lately and thought, how fun would it be to compile my own list, especially now that, as a 30-something adult, I know myself so well? I also thought it would be fun if my blogging friends (you know who you are!) would participate and compile their own lists?

Anyway, without further ado, here's a list off the top of my head! (I've decided to post what I have so far, and will finish my list when I can...)

A = antiques. I LOVE to go antiquing with my best friend Kate at Norma's, the huge shop not far from her house. I've been collecting vintage glassware there for years. However, I have rules about antiquing, the main one being: if I can't take it home and suds it up and soap it down and clean it behind the ears (so to speak), then it's not coming home with me.
B = baths! I've taken a nightly bath since...oh, I was a senior in high school? Well, every chance I can, that is. I should probably exercise better judgment in this area...I think I made rather a nuisance of myself one night when Kate and I were staying in England and I filled up the bathtub and (I think) kept the whole house awake because the pipes were so loud. Remember that, Kate? In Harpenden at Andy and Alicia's? Anyway, I like to take a 20- or 30-minute bath every night and read my book du jour. Another "b" favorite would have to be beauty products. Don't let me go near a Walgreen's with any spare money. It simply won't last.
C = chai tea. Leslie got me addicted to buying the jug of Tazo chai and mixing half a glass of it with half a glass of cold milk. Delicious! And I really can't mention chai without mentioning its far superior big brother, coffee. Oh coffee, my love...especially if you're a two-pump toffee nut latte with whip at Starbucks. Oh yes, Chantelle bras! Oui, oui, they are French! I usually get mine at Von Maur, and I know, they ain't cheap. But they are the nicest bras you will ever put on, and may I stress, it's very important to be measured and fitted properly. Oh, and crosswords. I like to do the daily one on msnbc.com. And y'all already know my thing for chairs.
D = decorating. We're just getting started on putting a home together, but I can't wait to get some more cash built up so I can go all French country on our place!
E = England. I love nearly everything about England and often wonder why I wasn't born there. I love to read about her, especially anything from the 16th century, the Tudor era!
F = France.
G =
H =
I =
J = Jane Eyre. Truly the best novel ever written. In a former life, I once wrote blog post after blog post about this book, and I think they might be resurrected here on my new blog!
K = knitting. Even though I haven't knitted a thing in quite awhile (I've been busy being courted!), I have plans for the upcoming fall and winter. I think I shall knit scarves. Lots and lots of scarves... There's nothing like going into Jo-Ann Fabrics and looking at all the pretty skeins of yarn and imagining the lovely things you'll do with them!
L =
M = manicures and pedicures, or as I should say, "manis and pedis." I used to diligently paint my own fingernails and toenails, and then my friend Ellen went and got me completely addicted to having sweet little Korean girls do it for me. We used to go every other week (I miss you Ellen!!!) when I was still a Hoosier, but thankfully I've found a great little place here in JC, TN. Sadly, I usually go alone...sniff, sniff. I should also mention my love of mystery novels. Just read a real page-turner (Body in the Ivy) by my favorite mystery writer (well, second favorite; none can compare to the great Agatha Christie!), Katherine Hall Page.
N = nieces and nephews. Ethan, Ada, Abigail, and Elijah -- sweet babies -- may you be abundantly blessed for the joy and delight you bring into your auntie's life!!! I love you all so very, very much! (And don't tell your mama, but you could pretty much ask me for anything and I'd pretty much find a way to give it to you...)
O =
P = Project Runway. "In fashion, one day you're in, and the next, you're out."
Q =
R =
S = Shakespeare. Though I must be honest, I'm a HUGE Shakespeare revisionist. I'm also very much into Shutterfly these days. My goodness, what a great way to have fun with pictures! And I wouldn't be a full-fledged girlie-girl if I didn't admit my weakness for shoes. And my favorite season is spring.
T = Tori Spelling. Don't judge me. Honestly, this girl cracks me up! Oh yes, I read "sTori Telling," her autobiography. In less than 2 days. Okay, yes, I own the book. In hardback. I said don't judge me. Must also mention that I love theology (there, that redeems me, right?). Seriously, one of my and Marty's favorite things to do is debate and discuss theological points (it helps that he's been reading C.S. Lewis almost non-stop lately). One of our favorite new sites to read together is Answers in Genesis.
U =
V = Vincent Van Gogh. Yeah, he's my favorite of them all. (I'm sure my art-history-major sister might think that rather unoriginal of me, but well, he really is my favorite! I want "Almond Branches in Bloom" to hang above my couch one day...)
W = Williams-Sonoma. Marty and I have/had a wedding registry there and we are having an absolute blast finishing it up. We travel to Asheville, NC (the closest W-S store to us is there) a couple times a month, and every time we go, we bop into W-S to get more goodies!
X =
Y =
Z =

My favorite pic of me, then Marty's favorite pic of me

Today

Exactly a year ago today, a conversation began between two people...

I first spoke with Marty on August 21, 2007. He sent me a communication over eHarmony (yes, some of you don't know that...I swear I'll tell the whole story here some time soon!) and I responded. He actually got in under the wire; I had been cleaning out my account on that site when I saw his message and his profile. The words "master's degree in English" practically peeled my eyelids back, and I wrote him back, hoping (if nothing else) to talk to someone who loved literature like I do and who could perhaps be a friend.

Today that friend is my husband. Today I'm playing on Shutterfly, building a wedding album with over 300 amazing pictures -- and countless incredible memories -- of our wedding just a month ago.

Today I am praising the Creator of heaven and earth and all things perfect and beautiful for bestowing on me the love of my life, the best friend I've ever had, the prince on a white steed straight out of the fairy tales. True love does exist, friends, and it's the most real thing in my life.

Today I am thankful for my Marty! Happy anniversary, my Sweetheart!

Need a photographer? Have I ever got the girl for you!

She is killing me, they are so good...

Oy, she is good

My dearest Leslie was my wedding photographer. I haven't yet seen all of my pictures, but she sent me this one today to tide me over for a bit.

Vive la France!

Second only to my love for England is my love for France and all things (well, most things) French. I've never been to France but I was this close to convincing my BF Kate to hop on the Chunnel and go to Paris when we were in England in 2002. As it was, we almost ran out of money just touring the Mother Country (there's nothing like calling your credit card company from a hotel in a foreign country asking pretty please, would they mind upping your limit?).















I think I could talk for days about why I love France and where this love originated. I've always been enchanted by the iconic Eiffel Tower, for example. I know many people share this enchantment, so that's not exactly original of me. Oh well!

One thing that is a little more original is my love of lavender. Not only do I adore the fragrance of lavender, but it has always been my favorite color (just ask my mom who labored to find just the right shade for my walls when I got my very first, very own room). I will walk in a field of lavender in the French countryside before I die. I hope.














Of course, it almost goes without saying that the French know how to enjoy their cafe. This is a lovely old photograph from 1925 of two girls doing what girls do best -- chatting over a cup of joe. They just happen to be in Paris! The only thing that has changed seems to be the clothes (and aren't we the poorer for it? Look at those hats and shoes!).













And here we have the inimitable Palace of Versailles. I must have a thing for castles! No culture in the world can do elegance and grandeur like the French, and I can't wait for a chance to experience the height of that grandeur in person by visiting Versailles.














In the mood to fall in love with France? One of the cornerstones of my own love of France came back in the 80's, when my sister Katie and I watched the TV mini-series "Napoleon and Josephine: A Love Story." I don't know if it was actually the life of Napoleon that was so compelling, or whether it was the way Armand Assante played him (ooh-la-la!), but I've been captivated by Napoleonic history -- and the country he was so passionate about -- ever since. Apparently you can only buy the DVD from private sellers online, but keep your eye out for it, since lots of tv series are now coming out on DVD!
Armand, je t'aime!

Fun websites

I'm always looking for new things to explore on the Web, so I thought I'd share some of my old standbys and recently found faves!

SKYfm's new age music radio station (don't let the term "new age" throw you off or make you feel odd; most new age music is very peaceful, featuring pan flutes and soft keyboards and some voices, such as African children and the like): http://www.sky.fm/newage/mini.html

The official Agatha Christie website: http://us.agathachristie.com/site/home/
(If you're not an Agatha Christie fan (yet), take a peek around here and get to know her. She's one of my heroes.)

"The ultimate hook-up for the fashion-obsessed" -- http://www.bluefly.com/
I absolutely adore fashion but can't afford anything but the Target copy-cats or TJMaxx clearance/close-outs. However, you can actually find some good deals at the sale section of this site. Bonus: The site features items from Project Runway, which is probably in my top five favorite shows.

The chair featured in the last post came from http://www.pierredeux.com/
I love the style of French Country, though I definitely have my own version of it.

My castle in the mountains, to which Marty and I have annual passes because it's truly a magical place: http://www.biltmore.com/visit/

I heart chairs

I don't know why, but I love chairs. Maybe it's the way they seem to beckon to a tired body to come sit, relax, take a load off. Maybe it's the way a couple of well-placed chairs perfectly complement a long sofa, or the way they fill up those empty spaces in a room. I don't know why, I just really love chairs! (No coincidence that the last post discussing a peaceful life featured a picture of a chair...I didn't even do it consciously but that's how much I respond to chairs.) Anyway, here are a couple of fun chair facts about me:

• For my 16th birthday, I requested a rocking chair. Nope, not a car, but a chair! I still remember the Sunday afternoon we went to get it. We'd gone to Olive Garden for my birthday meal, then we went to Kittle's and walked around until I found this white wicker rocking chair. I spent many a teenaged hour rocking in that chair and yakking on the phone. That chair knows a lot of secrets...


• During a stay in Charleston, SC (one of my favorite places in the world), I went antiquing one day alone while Leslie had a shoot. I found these precious little silver Queen Anne chair bookends and immediately grabbed them. When I was purchasing them, I got into a very long conversation with the antique store owner, Barbara (yes, a year later and I still remember her name). That summer happened to be a very difficult time in my life, and Barbara was very encouraging and told me she could see in my eyes that I was a beautiful person, and that happiness would come to me very soon. Well, happiness came to me a couple months after that! Every time I look at these little chair bookends, I think of her and her charming Southern way. The way Southern women can look you in the eye and peg you...it's AMAZING.


• At my wedding a couple Saturdays back, I insisted on a few bridal portrait shots taken outside under a tree in -- you guessed it -- a chair. I really hope some of those come out nicely!

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't just like "chairs." As with everything else in life, I have specific taste! I like traditional, classic chairs. Chairs that whisper of olde world and Europe, chairs that are comfortable but not crazy. Chairs you can relax in but also show off (just in case Southern Living is begging to photograph your home...one of these days, Becky!).

And how could a girl live a peaceful life without the comfort of a beautiful chair or two?

(caption: beautiful French Country chair available at Pierre Deux.com)

So...a peaceful life, you say?

Yes, I say. A great buzzword I hear all the time is "simplicity." I read and hear and see things about living a simpler life. Sounds great, but really, does anyone have a simple life? Does such a thing exist? I don't think so, which is perhaps why we're all keening for it. In the New Testament, Paul says that in whatever state he finds himself in, to be content. Whether he is abased or whether he abounds (I love the alliteration there, go Paul!), he was able to find contentment.

Another way for me to think of contentment is to be at peace. Just yesterday in church, we sang that great hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul." Of course, no one automatically reaches this state of soul-wellness. And to me, this is the very struggle of life. Soul-wellness. Once we have found the purpose and use of our souls in Jesus, we have to then daily strive for soul-wellness. And the end product of soul-wellness? Oh yes, it's a peaceful life. (I'm an English major, I have to button things up in an essay.)

I was just telling my husband yesterday that what I want most for us and our future children is to have a peaceful life, and for that to be manifested in a warm and loving and comfortable home, where both discipline and grace abide. Where husband and wife/mom and dad stay madly in love, where the kiddos know the joy of structure and seasons. Where beauty and elegance abound, where words are respected and well-spoken. Where God's presence is always felt but never forced. Where family and friends are welcomed and cherished. Where evil pauses at the threshold and then retreats. Where peace exists and thrives.

I've had many-a-blog in my day, but I'm finally at a place in life where my journey is not so much a moving target anymore. I embrace this new life, this new calm, this new me, wholeheartedly. In doing so, I want to explore this peaceful life through writing. I hope you enjoy what you read here!

The first of many pictures, I hope

My sister took this picture of me and my groom stealing a kiss at our wedding reception. The picture barely does justice to the joy we feel in being married to each other.